Uptown Girl

late night musings - come thou fount

2011-06-20T03:04:00.000-07:00

full day, full year, full life...

was inspired to come back to blogging after a 'little' break (of over a year, ha).
i would say that the post from last april is just as appropriate now as it was back then, except perhaps that i've learned a few things along the way, have taken a few missteps (or God-steps). and now have a better understanding of how gracious God really is. how much He really loves me, despite my tendency to wander and go off on tangents.

it's late, but i felt the urge to get the blog-ball rolling again. talked to a friend recently about faith/church/relationships/art - basically, all my favorite topics - and she said pointedly, 'you should blog!'

something in the way she said it stuck. and i felt that little nudge to revisit what i had written and write down my reflections once again. i have a personal journal that i've kept for years, where i record prayers, thoughts, verses, and vagaries, but it had been a while since i had read this blog. and it was great to read about the path that led me to l.a. i do wonder at times what led me leave nyc. it's a seemingly weird decision given all that nyc was to me.

a friend who dropped in town last week commented that i seemed far happier now than she had ever remembered seeing me before. that comment surprised me. but she's right. perhaps it has less to do with l.a. and more to do with what being here has done for me personally and spiritually. i feel closer to God. or rather, my devotion - my love, my sense of what is important - is clearer now than before, and hence, my capacity to truly 'enjoy' life and to be thankful has expanded.

that's the only way i can explain it.

something my pastor shared in his sermon today hit the mark: "the joy one finds in Jesus is far better than anything else this life can offer." i have tried to find joy without Jesus and it's always a dead end. always. i'm learning better to listen to my conscience...to pray, to read the Bible consistently and listen to God. it's not been a smooth journey - i find that the same tendency the Israelites had to compromise and idolize things in their surrounding culture, to wander and to disobey are those very things that have moved me to stray, but God has always been there, beckoning me back, showing me that His love for me is stronger than anything I do... it's been very humbling to come to terms with my limitations, my sin and my tendency to wander.

"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love..." Come Thou Fount, Robert Robinson

but the more I see my sin, the more I recognize His grace and love that is far greater and deeper than I could have imagined.

God I commit my path to you. You are all I want and all I really need. Knowing you is the best gift I could have ever received; everything else is just bonus.

"Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above."

Let me sleep in peace tonight, knowing that you are watching over me. I pray that my love and devotion to you would never fade, but instead grow, day by day. I pray that no matter what the circumstance, no matter what happens, my heart would cling to you and cleave to you. I pray that I would abide in you and that your Holy Spirit would dwell within me, that I would be moved to want and do the things you desire for me to do...thank you for your love and the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I commit my heart, my soul, my life to you. Help me to be obedient - not only in word, but in thought and in deed.

Thank you, Jesus.

Love,
S.

wow, what a difference a year makes...

2010-04-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

Hello, I just now am revisiting this site after leaving it dormant for...one year?!?

Not sure why I haven't felt the need to post until now, but let's say I've been in 'doing' mode more than 'reflecting' mode the past 12 months.

And life has certainly changed.

It's fascinating to be on this journey...of F.A.I.T.H. which a friend once told me stands for "A Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him." I would never have imagined I would be writing to you from Los Angeles, having left my 'high-powered' job and past in New York City - to come and live with my family and pursue a totally different career path.

It's been difficult, don't get me wrong. I'm still struggling daily with a sense of calling, and wondering where this will all lead; but I am glad. Glad to have been lifted out of the rut I was in while I was living in NyC. I mean, everything was great on "paper" but in reality, my heart and spirit felt all wrong - I knew I was living out a false self - too afraid to step out of the walls of achievement, status, etc. I had built around myself to see what might lie underneath.

Anyway, I won't go into too much detail here - but I am writing to say hello. Perhaps more to myself than to you, the reader.

Hello, and good. I love my life. It's filled with a different set of challenges than before. It's in some ways a lot harder. But I know this is where I am supposed to be.

Thank you, God. For being so faithful. For being with me and knowing me better than I know myself.

I have a deep hunger for truth, for living authentically, and out of a deeper identity in you, rather than what the world says is right. As a result, I'm moving down the ladder of achievement, but never have I felt more satisfied and fulfilled...

There are many more areas where I need to grow - ironically, the older I get, in some ways, the younger I feel - the more awed by how much there is to still learn.

Someone asked me the other day in a party setting, 'what do you aspire to be?' We all went around and said what it is we aspired to be...and I realized that what I aspired to be was something so completely at odds with anything that I had aspired to be in the past, I surprised even myself when I blurted out the answer.

It was more of an impulse comment, and I will leave it at that for now. But hopefully in the coming weeks and months it will all take shape and you will see yourself, reader (and me! lol) what this is all coming to be.

God, you are the creator and maker of all things good. I pray that I would be more obedient to you, loving, patient, filled with the fruits of the Spirit and FAITHFUL. Yes, Faithful. trusting in your plan.

God bless!

Courage and Calling

2009-04-30T00:28:00.001-07:00

I bought this book at an InterVarsity Conference a long time ago and it collected dust for years. I tried to get rid of it to lighten the load before my move to L.A., but it inexplicably came with me since none of my friends or neighbors decided to take it off my hands. A few weeks ago, the book title popped into my head randomly and I dug it out of a box tucked away in storage. Recently, I opened up to a random page and started reading and felt CRAZILY HAPPY that this author seemed to get what I was going through and knew what I needed to hear...and He was Christian! As an aside, I love how God knows what you need to read, and will put things on your heart to look at - to the point where you just know, deep down, that it's a little love note from Him. So many things like that have happened to me over the years. I can't even begin to tell you. [Like the one time when I REALLY wanted a copy of the NYtimes (I can't remember why) and I was sitting in a cafe. I was praying at the time and just decided off the cuff, to mention that in my prayer. The next thing I know, a man heading out the door of the cafe, stops in his tracks, turns around 180 degrees, heads directly over to me on the other side of the cafe! and says, "Would you like a copy of this newspaper?" I kid you not. I started tearing up and getting emotional (He probably thought, whoa, crazy lady.) and I responded, "Why yes, I would." He gave me a big smile and said, "You have yourself a wonderful day." and walked out the door. I immediately started babbling a prayer of thanks to God. It was such a SMALL THING, but GOD TOTALLY spoke to me through that incident, showing me He that he was there, that He listens, even to the small, little details we lay before Him.]

Anyway, back to this book. This is one of those crazy incidents: having this book entitled, "Courage and Calling: Embracing Your God-given Potential" by Gordon Smith now in my hands. Without further ado, I will share a few short passages. I hope they are encouraging to you as well.

"When we think in terms of vocation and reject careerism, we can accept with grace that God will call us in ways that would confound people who think only in terms of getting ahead."

"Students of adult psychological development recognize that the transition from early to mid-adulthood is critical. It happens at different times for different people, but for most it begins in their mid-thirties. Regardless of when the transition comes, it must come. It is a point at which we move directly and intentionally into our vocation, understanding what our vocation is and accepting, indeed embracing, the call of God."

"It is probably fair to say that we do not really know ourselves until mid-life, which is why we cannot make the transition to mid-adulthood - full adulthood until this time....clarity for vocational purposes can only come after we have lived ourselves long enough, and this usually takes us into our mid-thirties...Then we have a decision to make, an inevitable decision: Will we respond to our vocation with focus, direction, purpose and courage?...

The decisions involved may be difficult. Many of us will have to say no as much as we say yes. If we are gifted in more than one way, then we need to discern and affirm what is most significant to us and what brings the fullest expression of our identity.

One of the critical concerns of these years of our lives will be the simple but profound question of whether we will be our own person, true to our conscience and identity, or whether we will sell our souls for the 'company.' Are you a 'company man' or 'company woman' or are you your own person? Are you willing to live by your own convictions and your own conscience, regardless of the implications, or will you believe only what the 'company' believes? Will you be you, or will you live by pretense, by an identity, conscience and belief structure that is not your own but merely one which you think will win you the acceptance of those in power?

Eventually we will be forced to face up to who we are and what we fear.

This crisis of identity is fundamentally a spiritual crisis. In terms of our faith development we are far enough along in life to know what matters to us and what our faith represents - a complete adult trust in God as reflected in our resolve to love God and others. If we face ourselves honestly, doubtlessly we will know that no matter how accomplished we are or how talented or capable or connected we might be, we are not really in control. Facing this and accepting it is fundamental to both our spiritual maturity and to our capacity to embrace our vocation....(vocation is not the same as career or role. We do not have to be gainfully employed to have a vocation.)"

There are many more amazing passages that spoke to my heart, but I guess you'll have to read the book yourself to get the entire picture. :)

Prop 8 and Christ

2008-11-12T02:26:00.000-08:00

So, I just finished reading and commenting on a dear friend's blog (which you can read here) about the recent vote on Prop 8 in California. A lot of my friends expressed dismay and disappointment when the Proposition was passed last week, resulting in the upholding of the legal ban against gay marriage in California.

The issue of gay marriage and the gay rights is one that is going to be debated increasingly over the coming years. The issue has become heated, divisive and strongly contested in America. It's a huge issue within the church right now - the Episcopal church split over the issue of the ordination of a gay bishop, and many other churches, such as the United Methodist church are struggling over the issue of the ordination of gay pastors and similar issues that will affect people in the lgbt community.

I remember my first encounter with this issue arose when as a teenager I worked with a young, capable seminary student who helped lead students as part of the National Youth Ministry organization within the United Methodist church. He was a loving, devoted and highly capable leader and mentor to the youth group under his care, but when it came time for his ordination, the Board revoked his candidacy after he revealed that he was homosexual. When I found out, I was both saddened and disappointed to see this young man's dream of pursuing the ministry completely destroyed in that one moment. I have a number of friends who are gay, or who have come out of the closet since I knew them in college. I see them as loving, wonderful people who I am glad to call my friends. Acts which oppress, stigmatize, discriminate or exclude such people disturb and sadden me deeply. I have wrestled with the biblical view on this issue and the question, "what would Jesus do?" and I can only come to the conclusion that on the one hand, Christ and God make clear that homosexuality - the act of engaging in sexual acts with a partner of the same sex is sin. There is no if, ands or buts about that. However, and this is a big however, Jesus's response to people who sin (that would be everyone - regardless of who you are!) was to offer love, grace, acceptance and the desire to offer a new way of living. One that brings us out of bondage and into greater freedom. As difficult and unpopular as it is to state my views on this issue (particularly because I know that it is not one that is publicly or openly voiced - and I think that is a subject worthy of a whole other topic), I believe it is important to understand that it is one that cannot be hidden or watered down. I believe so strongly in the love of Christ and in his truth - and I believe that He loves us too much to let even our understanding of what is right or wrong stand in the way of the life He has to offer.

My own struggles and sins are different from those who are gay - but they are no less sinful. Believe me. In fact, I'm almost inclined to give a full account here - I struggle with issues of sexual purity, of materialism, of greed, selfishness, and ohhh so many more. I seriously am the last person to 'preach' about what is right and wrong. I am a singularly sinful person. Yet, I believe that the redemptive love Christ offers is far more than our minds and bodies can fathom. He lived a life of perfect holiness. And in doing so, and calling us to the same, he offered a completely different way of living, a way of being that calls us to something far greater, higher, more beautiful, freer, loving than we could EVER imagine. I've experienced glimpses, moments at my best hours of worship and prayer - but until I am on the other side of the grave, I don't know if I will ever fully comprehend what it means to live without sin and in the freedom that Christ offers through his salvation.

I say this because I believe that there are few people who are talking about this issue, really struggling with it in a way that I think reflects Christ's call to holiness on the hand, and love and acceptance of others on the other hand. I believe that God made it clear that marriage by definition is between a man and woman, and yes, that engaging in sexual relations with someone of the same sex is sin and will lead to spiritual death. There is just no way of getting around that. However, his invitation to a new kingdom was an invitation that no other thing can compare to...it is a call that requires us to lay down our lives for something and someone better. I am not sure how to articulate this any better than he did when he died on the cross for our sins. He died for the very people who killed him. And he did it because He loved us. That is the kind of sacrificial love he wants us to show to others. Impossible? Yes, perhaps, except that he showed us that he could do it and inspired generations with his message of love, forgiveness and grace. I think that call is no less for us - to love another and to love with a love that is completely contrary to the ways, the laws and the order of this world. A world which says a simple law is all that is needed to make others accepted, loved, and free. The laws of this world will grant rights, but they will never grant the true freedom that Christ has to offer. Does this mean that Prop 8 is right or wrong? Well, i believe that many silent, unnumbered people voted on the basis of their conscience - and that it may change - but I support those who voted yes on it, because I believe that marriage is what God defined and created it to be - between and man and a woman. A civil union, perhaps for gay couples, with all the same rights and responsibilities by law, but not marriage.

I speak on my conscience and just to say that I believe doing this is true, right and good. (See the verse above).

Why Education Stifles Creativity

2008-10-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

I love this website, TED (Technology, Education and Design), which has videos of talks like this one, that are inspiring, thought-provoking, and even entertaining:

Ken Robinson on how "Schools Kills Creativity."

My secret dream...

2008-10-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

to be Amy Poehler, doing this on SNL, for a living:

Kirk Cameron is a man of integrity...

2008-10-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

An interview with Kirk Cameron on his new movie, Fireproof and his marriage:

New York to L.A.

2008-10-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

View Larger Map

(Map of my cross country road trip September 30 - October 7th)

I'm currently on the road - following what I believe is God's leading and a long period of waiting...from New York City to my new home - in Los Angeles.

The past week has been a blur - I spent much of it packing, cleaning, moving out and selling and giving away my furniture. It was a whirlwind - as long as I had waited for this time to come - when it did, I barely had time to take it all in and realize what was happening.

So...! Here I am in Colorado - taking a short breather after days and hours of endless driving from New York City. I can't believe how much land has been traversed - especially as I look at the map and see just how far away from New York City I am at this moment. I knew, once I made the decision to go to my parents' place in L.A. that I needed to drive home. There was just no other way. I have taken numerous plane trips the past year - but I knew that I needed to get in a car. Not exactly sure why...perhaps it was motivated in part by my need to process, take-in and appreciate my last moments of alone-time before time with my family and...the dissertation. But also I think I felt a need to to come to a place where I am driving both literally and figuratively - in the driver's seat. Over the years I have had a recurring dream in which I am in the backseat of a car being driven by my parents or even my sister. I would wake up and realize that this is how I have felt in the way I have conducted my life thus far - a passenger in someone else's car. In the dream, as in real life, I wasn't making decisions or 'driving' out of my heart or mind or body - but I was passively being taken where my parents or family might lead. The dream disturbed and troubled me - in thinking it over and reflecting on the decisions I've made in the past, I've come to appreciate and realize that I need to start taking ownership of my decisions and life in general - with God's leading of course - but well, this is all still new to me and I'm processing it still as I go along. Let's just say, it felt like a sneeze that needed to be sneezed.

Regarding the road trip - as romantic as the idea seemed and does seem now - I realize that driving and traveling is hard work. I have a new appreciation for truckers and people who drive long distances for a living. It's not easy - in fact, it's truly exhausting and brain-numbing. My high-falutin' romantic notions of driving cross-country have been brought down a notch or two, but I still know this is the right way to get West. It's not nearly as nitty and gritty as the pioneers experienced it, but pretty gritty in it's own 21st century way. Honestly, it feels like a battle of sorts - a battle with my own stamina, my mind and the elements around me. I can't help but think it's a battle that I must fight - and who knows? Perhaps it's building in me an appreciation of the strength, perseverance, determination and mettle that will be required of me once I arrive at my intended destination...we shall see.

I like this quote...

2008-09-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

"Find the things that stir your affections for Christ and saturate your life in them. Find the things that rob you of that affection and walk away from them. That’s the Christian life as easy as I can explain it for you."

Yes, amen.

Um, Was God Talkin' to Me?

2008-09-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

So, I came home from work today and started going through the internet to find job listings. Anything. Something. High and Low. (and I mean High and well, mostly very Low!) hehe.

Then I decided I needed to stop and pray. I went to my room, sat on my bed, and asked God to speak to me through His word (i.e., the Bible). I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find, but I decided I needed to ask for His help before doing anything foolish.

Well, strangely, I opened to Jeremiah and came upon Chapter 31. My eyes kind of went buggy when I got to this passage: "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears for your work will be rewarded," declares the Lord. "They will return from the land of the enemy, So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord.

and then onwards. Then, "Set up road signs; put up guideposts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take. Return, O Virgin Israel, return to your towns. How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter? The Lord will create a new thing on earth -- a woman will surround a man."

Oh...my...goodness.

Sorry for the (benign) neglect

2008-07-10T22:02:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone (er, or just mom and maybe sis, and most likely, just myself..haha)!

Nice to be back. Sorry to be away for so long. I've been a little preoccupied of late as I've contemplated a few major and notso major things, such as (it's useful here to remind myself - 'cause I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning):

1) A career shift - as in MAJOR - as in - what the heck was I thinking when I signed on for years of academia and books and pretention? (sorry, ok, I promise this is going to be rated PG and nice here on out).

2) What is the ultimate goal/end of human (my/our/your) existence? I am haunted by the words of a former boss and mentor who I met in my first job out of college. He was the partner of a law firm and after years of slaving away and getting to the top - he told me he was quitting and that he had 'spent his whole life climbing up a ladder, only to realize it was the wrong ladder.' I remember he had a rough year - but it had shaken him out of the status quo and I'd like to imagine he found his true life's calling...in what, I never did find out, but we did stay in touch for a number of years after I left the firm and I always admired him deeply - he struck me as a kind, sincere and deep soul - a bit out of place in that stuffy firm.

3) What is the balance between patience and long-suffering - and well, selling out?
I am thinking of Joseph and many of the 'greats' in the Bible who endured years in prison, and other various circumstances and did not complain one peep. They knew God had a purpose and plan for their lives even though circumstances did not seem to look too promising. They simply waited it out - stuck it through - sucked it up. On the other hand, maybe abiding with some circumstance is the WRONG thing to do - if it's simply - wrong. I am currently back in a job that I feel is killing me inside (er, PG - figuratively speaking) - I have been looking for other jobs, but no doors are opening as of yet. A friend advised that I "take a leap of faith" and quit - and that if I did so - doors would open up. That would all be fine and good, except that i have a humongous rent bill that needs to get paid until the end of August. So I'm looking to August to make the big leap. But what if part of the reason I want to leave is because I feel that what I am doing is ultimately serving a 'bad' than a 'good'? (i.e., Nazi regime under Hitler comes to mind). Does one simply do as one's told in the job and stick it out until the opportunity arises to leave - or does one leave? I've been so tempted to walk out almost every day the past few weeks. It's so strange. But then again it could be Aunt Bessie (pms).

Ok, that's a mouthful already - maybe I'll leave it at that for now. I guess they weren't minor things after all. In fact, the stuff I've been mulling over the past few months are all - pretty major.

Yes, time for some changes. I just don't know how, or when or wherefore or...what. I'm sincerely praying God will open up the doors, lay low the mountains and have sweet mercy on me....

KaiserCartel

2008-05-19T20:19:00.001-07:00

I love this and I love them.

Fashion 911

2008-04-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine just started a blog on women's fashion tips - do's and dont's - based mainly on the major dont's - she's seen on the streets. Yes, there were numerous times recently when I saw her face go slack in horror as we were walking down the street - she would point to something someone was wearing and ask, "why?" I always thought she was kinda joking - who knew that it was actually the beginning of a wonderful foray into a hilariously entertaining and informative blog? I highly recommend it. You can check it out, NYC fashion 101.

Why I like the Flu

2008-04-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

So...I finally caught what everyone else seems to have caught the past few months - the flu. It sucks, no doubt. But one nice thing about being sick is that you have an excuse to lay on your back and watch movies...which is exactly what I have been doing the past few evenings. (Sorry big D - the new name I've given my fickle boyfriend, the dissertation).

Two titles that jumped out at me on the DVD rack - Shopgirl and Juno. Won't bore you with an analysis of my reading of the movies, but let's just say it's uncanny how two totally different characters in each of these movies made me feel more like me. Or rather, reminded me of me...and they both dealt with issues that I've struggled with...such as:: oohhh time for personal revelation to cyberspace stalkers:: a) healing from a past relationship that totally is reflected in Shopgirl - except that the characters are all a lot nicer and have more integrity in the movie than in real life. b) that endless search for the real deal - check! - which i still believe exists in the shape of a soul mate. c) the idea of being quirky.spunky.different.real which is why I liked Juno - her character - so much. She just *is* and it's so refreshing to watch.

Btw, does it say something that Allison Janney the actress who plays Juno's stepmom in the movie is one of my alltime favorite actresses - mainly because she often plays who she really is (see West Wing for a good dose) - which at a gut level - I just darn LIKE and am - and aspire to be...smart, real, hardnosed - but soft deep down with a confidence and edge that throws you off guard and makes you smile at the same time...difficult to put into words.

Anyway, let's just say being sick and watching movies (like these) really ain't all that bad.

Autistic girl with a special gift

2008-04-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Just saw this story online and wanted to share - it's inspiring and uplifting...something she says in the audio clip really resonated with me - that each person has, deep within his/her soul a unique gift that is unlike any other (something along these lines) - and even if it may not be obvious to everyone else - it's there....Her words carry unusual insight and weight. And what she shares is true, so very true.

L.A. Confidential: If Beckham Did It Why Can't I?

2008-04-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, strangely, God has put it on my heart to consider moving to L.A. for at least a few months to spend time with my family (I am due to be an auntie again in May!) - and spend focused time on the dissertation...

My mom called me several months ago for a heart to heart and expressed, through tears, her wish for me to come and spend time with her and dad, my sister, my nephew and bro-in-law...I felt sad, but knew at the time that I couldn't do it then. Now, however, it's become a real possibility - especially as I consider my desire to spend more time with my nephew and my family, generally...

I watched a short film last night at the International Arts Movement space (IAM.org) called "The Wormhole" which moved me tremendously. Produced by a woman who goes to my church, Sidney. I watched it and during one particularly poignant scene, my sister came to mind very strongly - how much I miss her and love her...

Anyway, I would NEVER have considered moving from New York City before - and had bemoaned my parents' move to L.A. (I mean, c'mon - how many Koreans do you know from California?!) but I guess it's a testimony that God can change hearts and attitudes towards things you would never imagine...

We'll see what actually happens - still processing the idea, but let's just say, it's a bit uncanny how often L.A. and it's awesomeness (um, is that a word?) has come up recently...i.e., reasons to move to L.A. Here are the top 5-10:

1) To spend time with my family who I miss very much.
2) LUKAS - I love the little man! i.e., my nephew.
3) I spoke at length with my sister during Xmas about our shared dream to record music together...and being closer together would make that more likely!
4) New nephew on the way. Yay!
5) Ok, these are probably not as meaningful, but my fears of there being a lack of culture were slightly allayed by news of Dudamel's taking over the conductorship of the L.A. Symphony Orchestra! (see post below).
6) Just saw a segment about a soccer camp started by David Beckham now playing for the L.A. team (cool!)
7) The weather.
8) Beaches.
9) Might be able to do things without distraction - finish up the big D, write music, explore the arts scene, without all the intimidation of the NYC scene.
10) They do have sushi...

Um. Well, there may be better reasons to list - but those seem to work for now.

To be continued...

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

2008-03-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

I love this song. We sang it in church today and I have been looking for a recorded version that is the same as the version we sang during the service today - the closest thing I found was this video on youtube:

As I sang along with the video God moved in my heart - I was filled with a joyful-sorrow, a longing and hope that only God really knows. Who can explain why Christ shows us so much in the midst of pain and sorrow? But I wouldn't trade my relationship with Him for anything else.

Jesus, I my cross have taken
by Henry Francis Lyte

Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition, all I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition! God and heaven are still mine own.

Let the world despise and leave me, they have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me; Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me, God of wisdom, love and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me, show Thy face and all is bright.

Go, then, earthly fame and treasure! Come, disaster, scorn and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure; with Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee, “Abba, Father”; I have set my heart on Thee:
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather, all must work for good to me.

Man may trouble and distress me, 'twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me; heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me while Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me, were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Take, my soul, thy full salvation; rise o'er sin, and fear, and care;
Joy to find in every station something still to do or bear:
Think what Spirit dwells within thee; what a Father's smile is thine;
What a Savior died to win thee, child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

Haste then on from grace to glory, armed by faith, and winged by prayer,
Heaven's eternal day's before thee, God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission, swift shall pass thy pilgrim days;
Hope soon change to glad fruition, faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Mountains Beyond Mountains

2008-03-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

The title of a book that I am reading about Dr. Paul Farmer - a doctor who started a rural health clinic in Haiti several decades ago and has since established health clinics for the poor all over the world...I was told by a friend that this book would be lifechanging, but for some reason, assumed that this meant because she was a doctor - it probably applied more to her than to someone like me. However, now having gotten about half-way thru it, I realize that this is much more than a story about a doctor - it's a story about someone extraordinary; and more so because of his integrity, commitment, dedication and sense of outrage at the things that make people sick, hungry and poor. I can't quite articulate right now what this book is doing to me on the inside, but there are some profound changes going on - especially with regard to how and why I go about making choices about my life and career in the way that I do...it's a fine line between seeking one's own glory and desiring God's. Honestly, I know many who profess belief in Christ (myself included) who often pursue certain paths for their own comfort, security and well-being rather than seeking that for others as for themselves...rather than serving God. This is the ultimate, singular question and issue that I've been wrestling with recently - the question of seeking God's glory rather than my own - wondering whether my choices are really about serving Him or pursuing my own agenda. I have to say, at critical junctures, God has pierced my heart with an awareness of the injustices that exist in this world and has given me a desire to do something about it...but along the way, it's hard not to get distracted by 'shiny' objects. The objects of success, approval in other's eyes, status, importance, achievement, money.

In Paul Farmer's life and work - as narrated in Tracy Kidder's book, Mountains Beyond Mountains, I have gotten a glimpse of someone who has a pure heart - one who is driven to serve the poor because he cares. It's absolutely disturbing and amazing - it makes me want to get up, pray and go. Where, I'm not quite sure - but sitting in an office writing policy papers becomes a lot less meaningful when I see that the real work of building God's kingdom is rooted in an incarnational love for others - particularly for those who the world has deemed less important or even worth ignoring altogether....The most meaningful times in my life, looking back, have been those where I was doing something completely menial in service to a community...teaching inner city kids in New Haven, working as the Director of the US Grant Foundation during college; volunteering at the Bowery Mission for the homeless; talking to refugees and displaced civilians in northern Uganda. These moments were the most meaningful - not because of what I did, but what I came to see in the faces of people who knew what it meant to suffer and yet hoped and lived in dignity despite their circumstances. I never felt more fulfilled than when I was in community, serving, loving, helping others, being helped myself.

Lord, help me. I know this is what I want to do with my life - I picture myself back in Africa perhaps or maybe even in an urban slum - who knows - but I know that living a life of complacency is what I dread most.

The photo above is of a child cured of TB by Paul Farmer in Haiti. The book does a wonderful job illustrating the real care and love this man has for everyone he meets.

This video, shows a clip of a speech he gave at Xavier University in Ohio.

Hope his example proves inspiring to you as it did for me and countless others.

Gustavo Dudamel

2008-02-25T00:31:00.001-08:00

see the uplifting 60 minutes interview here.

...wow

2008-02-16T15:40:00.001-08:00

William Fitzsimmons.

Today is going to be a beautiful day

2008-02-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

That is the title of a song I just heard *live* tonite - by a group called mellowdrones. They are different, and the name is so right on. Mellow - drones. I heard about the group from a friend, weepy donut (see sidebar) - way cooler and hipster than yours truly - but I digress - I'm seeing another side of NYC life and I like IT! Music, indie-music in particular, is a fascinating new world...and I'm now avidly seeking out new artists, musicians and music thru my myspace (a.k.a, lovejesus) site. Check it out.

I think this was precipitated by the new year move to begin formal guitar lessons - I had always played a little bit, but want to be able to pick it up a notch, so after lesson 3, I can seriously say I'm STOKED! I love the guitar and I am more excited than words can say right now about rediscovering a passion for music/singing/composing than ever before. Fortunately, having had years of classical lessons helps (thanks, mom 'n dad). But it felt really, well, just like a dead-end to moosh ahead in the classical realm without exploring much about improvisation and *CREATING* after college. So...I think after giving formal music training a rest for a while, I'm now coming back to it - and coming to a new appreciation of what really lies at the heart of our energy, actions and things we do. The creative energy - that spark that makes us unique, human and unlike any other - what drives us to move, relate, create and just 'be' who we are - is something that I think many people tend to shut down - for many various reasons. I've had the fortune recently, though, of meeting some really interesting, amazingly talented and passionate people - who are in tune with their voice - their passion and the uniqueness of who God has made them to be. I notice that people with these qualities aren't afraid to be, well, who they really are! even if it means being a little odd, off the norm, strange...for example, checkout: the odd lamb and his interview, here.

I'm not sure this is all making any sense right now. Just wanted to share. New discoveries. I'm so excited about what God's doing here - maybe it's the movement of the Holy Spirit, but whoa-yeah. I don't think it's coincidence that He's brought me in contact recently with crazy-cool-passionate Jesus-lovin' people - who are quirrkkkyyy - I love that - and in tune with my own heart's desire to sing, make music, and live in color/with a whole new beat on life.

I love NYC!!!!! I love JESUS. I love my friends.

We're Going to Be Friends

2008-01-25T21:41:00.001-08:00

I just heard this song for the first time and...I like it.

if only things were this simple. It reminds me of when I was a little girl making friends - was the most exciting and scary thing in the world...

"We're Going to Be Friends" by the White Stripes

Fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we're going to be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
through the park and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

Well here we are,no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height
against the wall

And we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
cause I can tell that we're going to be friends

Happy New Year and other news

2008-01-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

2008! Happy new year to everyone. May it be blessed.

In other news, I came across an interesting article in which Richard Dawkins is quoted as calling himself a "cultural Christian."

Just in case you don't feel like clicking on the link to the article above, here is the full article below:

Asked by a British member of Parliament if he is one of those atheists who wants to get rid of Christian symbols especially during the Christmas season, atheist Richard Dawkins replied that he is not. Dawkins said that he himself sings Christmas carols and that he considers himself a "cultural Christian." Just as many Jews regard themselves as Jewish, defend Jewish interests and cherish Jewish culture while not participating in Jewish religious rituals, Dawkins says that he respects the fact that the history and traditions of the West are shaped by Christianity. Dawkins says he's not one of those who wants to purge the West of its Christian traditions. The main threat to Christian symbols, Dawkins argues, does not come from atheists like him but rather from Muslims and members of other faiths.

Now this is quite remarkable. In The God Delusion, Dawkins portrayed the Christian God as a wicked, avaricious, capricious, genocidal maniac. Dawkins even blasted Jesus for such offenses as speaking harshly to his mother. Yet if the Jewish and Christian God was such a monster, what sense does it make for Dawkins to embrace the cultural influence of that deity? It would be like someone saying, "Hitler was a murderous maniac, but I am a cultural Nazi. No, I don't embrace the specifics of Nazi doctrine, but I appreciate what fascism has done to shape German culture. Let's give up the specifics of the Hitler program, but let's also keep Nazi culture along with the fuhrer's imagery on our coins and monuments."

Dawkins is not an unintelligent man, so what's going on here? One possibility is that Dawkins now recognizes that today's atheists who want to get rid of Christian symbols are just as intolerant as Christians who in the pst sought to deny atheists a voice in the public arena. So Dawkins' statement can be read as a critique of intolerance and political correctness.

A second possibility is that Dawkins now sees the Muslim threat to the West--and especially European culture--as more serious than the prospect of a second Christian Inquisition, so he has decided to ally with the Christians against the Islamic radicals. Other atheists like Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens are now admitting that atheist attempts to equate Islamic extremism with Christianity are bogus. The real threat doesn't come from Presbyterianism or Anglicanism but from a radical Islam that wants to obliterate Western civilization.

I suspect that these two factors may have played a role, but the main reason for Dawkins' remarkable self-identification as a cultural Christian is that he has slowly come to realize that even the values that he cherishes--values such as individual dignity, science as an autonomous enterprise, the equal dignity of women, the abolition of slavery, and compassion as a social virtue--came into the West because of Christianity. I have been hammering this point in my debates with leading atheists, and it's possible that one of the Oxford historians came up to Dawkins and said, to his horror, "You know, Richard, that D'Souza chap has a point."

Okay, so let's give this biologist credit for learning a little history. Still, the deeper question remains. If the God of the Old and New Testaments is such a bad character, how come his cultural influence is so positive? Absent a good answer to this question, we must reconsider the premise: perhaps the God of the Old and New Testaments is not the evil figure portrayed in atheist propaganda. On the contrary, perhaps all our Western notions of good and bad derive from no source other than this Christian God. This certainly was Nietzsche's view, and he knew a lot more about the subject than Richard Dawkins. Wouldn't it be interesting if Dawkins continues his intellectual growth and reverses his old misunderstandings? Then he can reissue his book: Overcoming My Delusions: Confessions of a Cultural Christian.

My sister's thoughts on designer genes, the Wizard of Oz (musical) and Lukas...

2007-10-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

I'm importing this blog from my sister's, because, it's just well, read it. I don't know if it's because she's my sister, but I find myself being amazed by her character, her talents as a writer, amazing insights and way of looking at the world, day by day, and I've known her for a long time...

Her other entry(ies) may be found linked on the sidebar at "alithea."

***

So there's something called the Consensus Theory of Truth, which states the following: "That which is universal among men carries the weight of truth." I was reminded of this after watching the musical "Wicked", a clever tale that reveals the untold story of the Wicked Witch and Glinda the Good from The Wizard of Oz. You learn from very early on in the show that the Wicked Witch was indeed not wicked. She had the misfortune of being born green, but was otherwise like any other girl - and surpassed her peers in her sense of justice, intelligence, and desire to do good. But as she found that authority was not on her side, she was branded as 'wicked' and the people of Oz were made to believe the most horrific things about her.

This idea of perception was a topic of conversation between me and Mark. Bad driving is something we encounter often. What really bothers us, however, is when someone else on the road seems to think that WE are the bad driver when we are clearly in the right and are, furthermore, a bad person - and unleashes an expletive or gesture of some kind to tell us so. Case in point: As I was driving up a local road, a white car started approaching me in reverse. I thought for sure the driver didn't see me, and decided that the best thing to do for both our sakes was to honk. Now most car horns sound the same, but that there are ways people put some emotion into them. If they're really mad, they plant the palm of their hand on horn and honk like it's going out of style. Mine was not one of those honks. It was, if you will, quite a friendly honk (I know you've thought about how to honk half-apologetically). So when she screeched next to me, stuck her head out of the window and called me the 5-letter word for a female dog, I was stunned. This woman had taken a benign honk and had translated it into a threat of some kind coming from "a malicious, unpleasant, selfish woman" (dictionary.com). I decided that she needed to be informed that her perception of what my honk meant was absolutely misguided. I put my car in reverse to get alongside hers, rolled down my window and got her attention.
"Excuse me, but I was honking because I didn't think you saw me, that's all."
She looked at me with a blank expression.
"Oh," she said with a shrug, and proceeded to get out of her car and walk away. A part of me was expecting an apology, but I wasn't surprised to not get one. I was satisfied enough to have enlightened her for just a moment. Perhaps I spared another well-intentioned honker the unwelcome verbal garbage that was tossed my way.

But there is another, ongoing experience with perception that lingers with me in a way that the first story doesn't. My son has an extra 21st chromosome. He has Trisomy 21, otherwise known as Down Syndrome. I know what my perceptions were about about people with Down Syndrome at the point of my son's diagnosis. I was prepared to learn the truths and myths, all the while keeping in mind that this boy was still half of me and half of my husband, just like any other baby. But what I wasn't prepared for were the heartfelt condolences I got from others as I shared the news. I was 19 weeks pregnant when I found out. I went through the grieving process, and eventually not only came to the point of acceptance, but of fully embracing what God had given me. But others had not. Their perceptions hung on what limited knowledge they had of Down Syndrome. There were people asking me why I didn't have an abortion, wondering out loud to me if my husband and I were 'compatible,' remarking how they knew someone who got the same diagnosis and how depressed they were. There was another group of responses that tagged us as saints, as if there were only a 'select' group of people that could possibly handle a child such as ours.

I knew they meant well, but here's the truth: no one who meets my son would dare apologize for who he is. He has a smile and laugh that is infectious. His mild temperament has - at least for a moment - been the envy of many moms whose children are raging to and fro, crying for no apparent reason. His eyebrows are shaped like those of a woman who just paid $50 to get hers waxed. Strangers who have no clue about his enhanced genes gawk at his beauty. He can give you the biggest ego boost if you decide to make a silly face. He loves to laugh, clap, dance, and cuddle. He loves to live.

Despite these truths, I know will continue to be pitied for who he is. What people have perceived about Down Syndrome has in large part come from what they have seen and heard. One might argue, 'Seeing is believing" or "Hearing is believing." But there are people who cannot see or cannot hear, yet have such strong faith.
Our perceptions cannot be simply based on body parts that we can live without: eyes, ears, hands. After all, there are plenty of people who can see but lead their lives as if they are blind. Our bodily senses cannot determine the worth of any life. Any meaningful experience that is initially taken in through our non-vital senses can only find its meaning in what is vital - our hearts, our minds. So I'll relish in my son's extra chromosome - 'designer genes' I like to call it. Because the truth is that anyone who encounters him cannot help but love him.

In my imagination I send my son into the Land of Oz, where senses prevail over the heart. Here comes that Down Syndrome baby, they might whisper. Just spend some time with at him, I tell the people. Allow the sheer delight of this child to enter in, and you'll learn to feel again.

Titles from the Top 500 Country Music Songs

2007-10-17T11:39:00.001-07:00

I was trying to think of songs to add to Becky's list of songs with "red" in them and came across this list of country music songs on the net. Too funny not to share. I'm sure there are more where this came from. Please feel free to add on ones you know...I love this stuff.

I think my fav must be, "You've got the money, I've got the time," though "Six Pack Summer" is a close second.

127 "Lonesome On'ry and Mean" - Waylon Jennings
124 "Orange Blossom Special" - Johnny Cash
123 "Take This Job and Shove It" - Johnny Paycheck
121 "Chattahoochie" - Alan Jackson
120 "Rose Garden (aka I Never Promised You A Rose Garden)" - Lynn Anderson
119 "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" - David Allen Coe
118 "Why Don't Ya Love Me" - Hank Williams, Sr.
117 "Country Bumpkin" - Cal Smith
110 "If You've Got The Money, I've Got The Time" - Lefty Frizzell
107 "Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way?" - Waylon Jennings
106 "Lookin' At The World Through a Windshield" - Del Reeves
105 "A Thousand Miles From Nowhere" - Dwight Yoakam
104 "Walkin' After Midnight" - Patsy Cline
101 "Giddyup Go" - Red Sovine
498 "What's Forever For" - Michael Martin Murphey
497 "I Don't Call Him Daddy" - Doug Supernaw
496 "I Let Her Lie" - Daryle Singletary
495 "Little Red Rodeo" - Collin Raye
494 "If Bubba Can Dance (I Can Too)" - Shenandoah
487 "Old Enough To Know Better" - Wade Hayes
486 "Single White Female" - Chely Wright
484 "What Kind of Fool Do You Think I Am" - Lee Roy Parnell
483 "She'd Give Anything" - Boy Howdy
482 "I'm Not Strong Enough To Say No" - BlackHawk
481 "My Home's In Alabama" - Alabama
480 "Cowboy Take Me Away" - Dixie Chicks
479 "One Way Ticket" - LeAnn Rimes
478 "Pickup Man" - Joe Diffie
477 "Born To Fly" - Sara Evans
476 "Every Which Way But Loose" - Eddie Rabbitt
475 "Love a Little Stronger" - Diamond Rio
474 "Not On Your Love" - Jeff Carson
469 "My Strongest Weakness" - Wynonna
468 "Six Pack Summer" - Phil Vassar
467 "Someone Else's Star" - Bryan White
466 "A Little Less Talk" - Toby Keith
464 "Prayin' For Daylight" - Rascal Flatts
463 "Smoke Rings in the Dark" - Gary Allan
462 "Carlene" - Phil Vassar
461 "Drive South" - Suzy Bogguss
460 "Who Needs Pictures" - Brad Paisley
459 "Fishin' In The Dark" - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
456 "You're the Reason God Made Oklahoma" - David Frizzell & Shelly West

Lukas's roadtrip

2007-10-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

Can you tell why these are two of my favorite people in the world?

(sister and nephew)

Korean missionary killed in Afghanistan

2007-07-28T05:25:00.000-07:00

This made me cry.

What is Faith?

2007-07-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

“[By Faith] Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”- Hebrews 11:1

Update on Travis

2007-07-17T15:41:00.001-07:00

The man who was scheduled to be executed in Georgia today was granted a last-minute 90 day stay of execution after impassioned pleas for clemency by many supporters.

Thank God.

Here is the update.

And a moving speech delivered on Mr. Travis's behalf by John Lewis.

90 days only means that he has 90 more days to live, unless Mr. Travis is granted clemency or his sentence is commuted. Please write in or do something (here is a good site) if, after reading the story, you feel compelled to do so. The facts of this case, just do not seem to warrant death for this man. Besides which, I do not believe that the death penalty is just, but that's the subject for another entry.

Please pray.

PLEASE SAVE TROY DAVIS.

2007-07-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.ncadp.org/execution_alerts.html

http://www.democracyinaction.org/dia/organizationsORG/ncadp/content.jsp?content_KEY=2782

TED...

2007-07-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

stands for technology, entertainment and design.

Pretty amazing site: TED.

In 2006, a Swedish professor, Hans Rosling, gave a talk debunking myths about third world development which is fascinating and eye-opening. I urge you to take a look:
here.

Lukas's smile

2007-07-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

Sinead O'Connor, interview

2007-07-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

Never thought I'd say I agree with Sinead O'Connor, but I do...almost everything she says in this interview rings true with me. Almost everything. It's from an article I read just now in Christianity Today:

Jesus Is 'Like an Energy'
By Andree Farias
posted 07/09/07

Most people remember Sinéad O'Connor one of two ways: as that angelic, lovelorn figure in the video of her smash "Nothing Compares 2 U," or for tearing up a picture of the pope on Saturday Night Live. Her 20-year career has been marked with pop stardom and accolades, but also with controversy and misunderstanding. Even as she takes the stage at Joe's Pub in New York, one can sense the polarity. The venue only seats 150, enough to house a handful of fans and some of the biggest papers in town. But O'Connor, 40, isn't there to impress anyone. Her priority is her new album Theology (Koch), a two-disc set inspired by the Old Testament—and a project that is, interestingly, being pitched to the Christian market by publicists (one of whom arranged this interview). At the show, O'Connor plays none of her hits; it's just her and another guitarist, performing Theology in its entirety. In a flowing red dress, O'Connor looks almost motherly—serene, radiant, self-assured. Her voice is still powerful, and, combined with the ancient text, it's nearly prophetic. But just as the audience begins to heed her admonition, O'Connor, between songs, makes a crude joke about the female anatomy. By show's end and a few f-bombs later, we're all convinced: old Sinéad hasn't gone anywhere.

What's your religious background?

Sinéad O'Connor: I was born in 1966 in Ireland, which was at the time a Catholic theocracy, which can sometimes have negative connotations. My family were all strict Catholics—not in a ram-it-down-your-throat way, but in a kind, loving way. So it was a very Catholic upbringing, went to Catholic schools, an extremely religious environment.

Did religion ever become a lifestyle to you, or was it more of a tradition?

O'Connor: I would say that I'm religious by culture and nationality. It wasn't that I was dragged to mass; I went willingly because I liked going. Religion is not so much a lifestyle because I don't necessarily actively practice it. I don't go to church regularly, but I don't think you have to in order to conduct a relationship with God. Having said that, I do enjoy the times that I do go to church. I believe you can find God all over the place.

Any reason why you don't attend regularly?

O'Connor: I have difficulties with aspects of religion, just as there are things about myself that I like and don't like. I think there's an area of weakness in Catholicism, the way that it's all very hierarchically structured. There isn't equanimity between the audience and the performer, even in the symbolism. In the old days, the mass was conducted in Latin and the priest had his back to the congregation, the idea being that he was somehow leading people to God, while the people were giving their energy to the priest for him to be able to do that. But now when the priest is facing the audience, the symbolism is that the audience is being dictated to and the priest has his back to God.

The hierarchies, not just of Catholicism but a few different religions, see themselves as being above everybody else, which has created this kind of exclusionary thing. The hierarchies are dictating whom God can love and whom God can't love, whom God should love or shouldn't love.

Some faith traditions aren't used to questioning the status quo. Was that the case with Catholicism in Ireland?

O'Connor: It wasn't politically correct, because it's a frightening force for some people, a theocratic force. I think people are afraid to challenge it because if they do, they get treated as if they were disrespecting God. You can be misunderstood when you challenge Catholicism, or any religion for that matter. People take it to mean that you don't agree with God or somehow hate religion.

I don't think people have the vocabulary yet to challenge it in a fashion that's not going to appear offensive and disrespectful. I also think that the hierarchy doesn't really give a s---. They don't really want to hear what might serve people better, or what might serve them better as a business.

In Ireland, people felt so let down by the sexual abuse scandals in the church, particularly by how the hierarchy of the church handled that, or rather mishandled it—years of trying to deny that it ever happened, and then years of trying to buy the families to shut them up.

So, many people in Ireland have become very disillusioned with Catholicism. For the most part, they don't believe that Catholicism gives a s--- about them, and therefore they don't give a s--- about Catholicism.

Is that why you ripped up a picture of the pope on Saturday Night Live?

O'Connor: Oh, yeah. It only came to light in the States that there had been abuse of children within the church in [the U.S.], ten years after it came to light in Ireland—which was around the time that this happened on Saturday Night Live. Americans couldn't possibly believe that these things were going on in the church.

The problem is that many of the priests think they are God. But God and religion are two different things. I also believe the Catholic church has had a massive crisis of faith for the past 15 years or so. If the priests believed in God and they had done their job right, they would've fessed up immediately about the sexual abuse stuff.

The reason they were afraid to fess up is because they knew their congregations would slaughter them, which means they haven't taught forgiveness—they haven't actually taught the Christian lessons to their own congregations. If they had taught forgiveness and understanding, and really been honest and said, "We f---ed up here, help us out," people would have a lot more respect for them.

If they believed in God, they would've gone through this sexual abuse scandal a lot easier because they would've actually asked and employed God in order to sort things out. So they're still swimming through it with no life support.

OK, let's move on to your new album, Theology. You've recorded pop, folk, reggae, and world music. Why make a religious album now?

O'Connor: I wouldn't necessarily call it a religious album. I would say it's a theological album. The record is largely based around the books of the prophets and some Psalms. Loads of different religions yap, yap, yap about God said this, God said that. A lot of people interpret what they think God says. But the only time God actually speaks for himself is in the books of the prophets. That's what kind of interests me. I'm interested in the idea of separating God from religion.

Part of wanting to make a record is that I get pissed off looking around the world and seeing a lot of things that are going on, violent things, particularly because of how a few people interpret particular Scriptures. I don't believe God supports war or the use of violence. I wanted to dig out Scriptures that would show the opposite to be true.

Is Theology a vanity project, a one-off affair? Or have you found your niche?

O'Connor: Hard to tell. I don't have any plans beyond Theology. I know it sounds completely corny, but I'm hoping that somehow putting out this record will somehow then open up what I'm going to do. I would actually like to work in the inspirational arena. That's something that I would like to do. But I don't know what's going to happen. [Eventually] I'd like to be writing spiritual songs for other people.

Are you a Christian?

O'Connor: Yeah, by birth and by culture.

Is Theology an album for Christians?

O'Connor: I wouldn't say it's just for Christians. It's 99.9 percent based in the Old Testament. To say that it's an album for Christians would imply that it's not for other people. But I think it's a record that would appeal to all kinds of religions.

What does Jesus mean to you?

O'Connor: I've had a lot of faith in Jesus ever since I was a little kid. I always joke with my friends that I have a cab company called "Jesus Cabs." And I tell my friends, "If you ask Jesus for anything, it will happen. But you have to believe that it's going to happen."

What about now? Where do you stand in your faith in Jesus?

O'Connor: I think everybody has an individual relationship with Jesus. I kinda really do believe in this Trinity thing, that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are all one thing. I understand Jesus as being an interceder, someone you ask when you really need a big favor from God. I also feel that Jesus is inside everybody. It's almost like an energy or a thing that lives inside of us.

How about his role as a Savior?

O'Connor: I grew up in violent circumstances [in Ireland, where religious violence was common], and Jesus was a Savior to me insofar that he would make me forget what was going on. But to say that Jesus is a Savior can sometimes translate as, "Unless people know doctrine, they're not going to be saved." I don't believe that. I believe God loves everybody. And at the end of the day every creation of God goes on to God and his love equally. So I have difficulties with the implication that because somebody on the other side of the world doesn't know Jesus, they don't get saved.

So there's no such thing as Jesus being the one way, truth, and life?

O'Connor: I believe that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and that whole kind of thing is one particular energy. If you want a put a picture of a body on it, then fine. But I call it an energy. Some people paint a picture of Jesus. But to me, he's an energy. That energy is the same no matter where you are in the world or whose side you're on. If you call it Allah or you call it God or you call it Buddha, it's all the same. I thing God saves everybody whether they want to be saved or not. So when we die, we're all going home.

So it doesn't matter your lifestyle, we're all going to heaven.

O'Connor: Yeah, I don't think God judges anybody. He loves everybody equally. I think there's a slight difference when it comes to very evil people, but there are not too many of those in the world.

God's character is very human; he goes through the whole gamut of emotions that a person might go through.

By human, do you mean fallible?

O'Connor: People often say, "If there's a God, why does he let bad things happen?" We expect God to be perfect, but if we're made in God's image, then perhaps God isn't perfect. And that's OK. But I also believe that partly we are God. We are part of God and God is something that's in us and all around us.

Listeners of Christian music have a high moral standard for artists in the genre. Are you ready for that part of this industry?

O'Connor: I think everybody knows who I am. I'm not trying to act like I'm a perfect person. I'm not going to be personally insulted if anyone doesn't want to have anything to do with me. If someone turns their back on me because I'm not a perfect person, then it's not my problem. It's their problem. If we're all going to turn their backs because they're not perfect, then we're going to be very lonely.

You have no qualms about swearing or smoking. How do you feel about the prospect of losing the respect of the faith community because of those things?

O'Connor: If I did, actually I wouldn't mind, because I'm trying to be myself. God loves everybody the way they are, that's the way I see it. God made me the way I am. If somebody else doesn't like it, it doesn't matter. I could always get a job doing something else. I don't fear poverty.

Moi

2007-07-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

alitheia

2007-07-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

my sister just started a blog.

i never knew about this story from her childhood until she wrote about it on her blog; but believe me when i say she was a fascinating little youngster...who is now a mature young woman with a very strong and amazing sense of justice, goodness and love.

you can read more about my thoughts on her from a previous post.

Lukas

2007-06-29T10:59:00.001-07:00

Reflections on the Beatitudes

2007-06-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

From Christianity Today's, "quotations to stir the heart and mind."

BLESSED are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3

Right at the beginning of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus contradicted all human judgments and all nationalistic expectations of the kingdom of God. The kingdom is given to the poor, not the rich; the feeble, not the mighty; to little children humble enough to accept it, not to soldiers who boast that they can obtain it by their own prowess.
John R. W. Stott, The Message of the Sermon on the Mount

THE KINGDOM of God can only be received by empty hands. Jesus warns against (a) worldly self-sufficiency: you trust yourself and your own resources and don't need God; (b) religious self-sufficiency: you trust your religious attitude and moral life and don't need Jesus.
Michael H. Crosby, Spirituality of the Beatitudes: Matthew's Vision for the Church in an Unjust World

IT IS a theological mistake to seek suffering for its own sake. Nor does this beatitude mean that to live a pious life is to embrace the ultimate form of delayed gratification—suffering now in the hope that God will provide the reward once one is dead. The words of the Beatitudes are in the present tense: "Theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Daniel P. Sulmasy, A Balm for Gilead: Meditations on Spirituality and the Healing Arts

HUMILITY, or poverty of spirit, is not a matter of thinking low thoughts about ourselves. It is not a matter of groveling in the dust. It is simply a matter of knowing ourselves as we really are. And when we see ourselves as we really are, we will see that we are poor.
John W. Miller, The Christian Way

Is this 4real?

2007-06-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

A couple in New Zealand wants to name their kid, "4real," and the government won't let them. Does this constitute a human rights violation?

I wonder.

Read this article for more on this strange, but interesting story.

A controversial topic, with an interesting spin.

2007-06-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I agree with David Brook's conclusions, but the issues and the ideas he brings up in this article are important...and make me wonder. What makes someone behave in one way or another when it comes to social mores? He offers only two options - we are either deciders or perceivers. What? What does he mean? I don't understand his point....aren't we who we think we are, what we believe, what we value? I think I do agree, however, that there are structural social conditions that tend to shape how people perceive themselves and others, form relationships, etc. Family is also a very significant determinant, but I wonder what the true answer to the issues he raises, is. Biblically. I will chew on this more, but your, the reader's responses, are most welcome.

Here is the article, pasted below, for your reading pleasure.

June 22, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
When Preaching Flops
By DAVID BROOKS

A little while ago, a national study authorized by Congress found that abstinence education programs don’t work. That gave liberals a chance to feel superior because it turns out that preaching traditional morality to students doesn’t change behavior.

But in this realm, nobody has the right to feel smug. American schools are awash in moral instruction — on sex, multiculturalism, environmental awareness and so on — and basically none of it works. Sex ed doesn’t change behavior. Birth control education doesn’t produce measurable results. The fact is, schools are ineffectual when it comes to values education. You can put an adult in front of a classroom or an assembly, and that adult can emit words, but don’t expect much impact.

That’s because all this is based on a false model of human nature. It’s based on the idea that human beings are primarily deciders. If you pour them full of moral maxims, they will be more likely to decide properly when temptation arises. If you pour them full of information about the consequences of risky behavior, they will decide to exercise prudence and forswear unwise decisions.

That’s the way we’d like to think we are, but that’s not the way we really are, and it’s certainly not the way teenagers are. There is no central executive zone in the brain where all information is gathered and decisions are made. There is no little homunculus up there watching reality on a screen and then deciding how to proceed. In fact, the mind is a series of parallel processes and loops, bidding for urgency.

We’re not primarily deciders. We’re primarily perceivers. The body receives huge amounts of information from the world, and what we primarily do is turn that data into a series of generalizations, stereotypes and theories that we can use to navigate our way through life. Once we’ve perceived a situation and construed it so that it fits one of the patterns we carry in our memory, we’ve pretty much rigged how we’re going to react, even though we haven’t consciously sat down to make a decision.

Construing is deciding.

A boy who grew up in a home where he was emotionally rejected is going to perceive his girlfriend differently than one who grew up in a happier home, even though he might not be able to tell you why or how. Women who grow up in fatherless homes menstruate at an earlier age than those who don’t, and surely perceive their love affairs differently as well.

Women who live in neighborhoods with a shortage of men wear more revealing clothing and are in general more promiscuous than women in other neighborhoods. They probably are not conscious of how their behavior has changed, but they’ve accurately construed their situation (tougher competition for mates) and altered their behavior accordingly.

When a teenage couple is in the backseat of a car about to have sex or not, or unprotected sex or not, they are not autonomous creatures making decisions based on classroom maxims or health risk reports. Their behavior is shaped by the subconscious landscapes of reality that have been implanted since birth.

Did they grow up in homes where they felt emotionally secure? Do they often feel socially excluded? Did they grow up in a neighborhood where promiscuity is considered repulsive? Did they grow up in a sex-drenched environment or an environment in which children are buffered from it? (According to a New Zealand study, firstborns are twice as likely to be virgins at 21 than later-born children.)

In other words, the teenagers in that car won’t really be alone. They’ll be in there with a whole web of attitudes from friends, family and the world at large. Some teenagers will derive from those shared patterns a sense of subconscious no-go zones. They’ll regard activities in that no-go zone the way vegetarians regard meat — as a taboo, beyond immediate possibility.

Deciding is conscious and individual, but perceiving is subconscious and communal. The teen sex programs that actually work don’t focus on the sex. They focus on the environment teens live in. They work on the substratum of perceptions students use to orient themselves in the world. They don’t try to lay down universal rules, but apply the particular codes that have power in distinct communities. They understand that changing behavior changes attitudes, not the other way around.

They understand that whether it’s in middle school or the Middle East, getting human nature right is really important. We’re perceivers first, not deciders.

Thoughts on the Incarnation

2007-06-13T20:08:00.001-07:00

I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”- Psalm 18:1-2

Funny thing happens when you read something like this passage above and really start to let the voice of someone else become your own...it reminds me of a very interesting documentary on the human brain and psychology that I saw a while ago on PBS hosted by Alan Alda (that famous 80-90s actor, I believe). Anyway, there was one section in the documentary which absolutely floored me. Studies showed that human thought and emotions are actually very much a product of the things we DO and SAY, not the other way around. For example, people who were told to "smile" in an experiment, triggered neurons in the brain that brought out feelings of happiness and well-being. Seeing someone else smile, apparently elicited similar reactions. They conducted experiments on a whole host of emotions that were triggered by the external environment, facial expressions or words people spoke aloud.

The point they were trying to drive home was that as humans we are very sensitive to the words we hear, the things we see expressed in others (that we mimic almost unconsciously) and our social environment in general. It was revolutionary to realize that thoughts, feelings and ideas we have do not emanate from within so much as they reflect something that has been triggered from without...and that often there is a large element of 'choice' in the very feelings and thoughts we entertain.

Maybe this is why Jesus so often quoted directly from the Bible (Psalms and much of the Old Testament). In fact, almost everything he uttered had some basis on Scripture, even as I learned in an illuminating sermon today, "Seventy-times seven," the number of times to forgive someone (also the number uttered to Daniel in a prophecy in which God tells him the length of the Israelites exile before the coming of Christ.) Anyway, they were HIS words and thoughts, but they were also inspired by the voices and thoughts of those who predated him by hundreds of years...he seemed especially fond of quoting or taking on the words of King David, his distant ancestor...even til his death on the cross: "Oh God, oh God, why have thou forsaken me?" (Psalm 22)

So much for originality. No...but it's comforting to know that someone else has been there, done that, knows what it feels like to go through life and all the joys, pain, love and suffering that life often entails. I guess that was the point of the Incarnation. And I guess that's why his words, and the words of his forebears resonate so much with people today...for people with hearts that are alive and willing to be present.

Time to pray

2007-05-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Shahbaz Bhatti, left, the head of the All Pakistan Minorities Alliance, shows a threat received by Michael Javed, right, a Christian.

Please pray for the Pakistani Christians - the photo accompanying this article - with a Christian leader who had received a death threat really filled me with anguish.

The story reminded me that what Peter, Paul and the early Christians experienced is not foreign to today's world. Many people have died because they professed to believe in Jesus. And indeed, around the world, there are many people who are suffering and being persecuted for their religious beliefs. No matter whether you are Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist, or anything else, people have the right to believe what they do, without fear and oppression from the government or fellow citizens for following their conscience.

Did anyone read Locke's Letter on Toleration?

Please also pray for those struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide. I have a few friends who have in the past, and are now, struggling. This article on CNN finds that Asian-American women are at higher risk than any other ethnic group of their cohort in the US. This article features a researcher who thinks it might have something to do with the push to achieve and the pressure young Asian women face to succeed.

I see these stories and they break my heart.

Please pray for healing, joy and peace to flood the hearts of those who are lonely, depressed or persecuted...

Whoever feels down, distraught, outcast, you have a friend! in Jesus.

What do Mother's Day, Martha Stewart and my nephew have in common...?

2007-05-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

As the previous photos hint, I spent Mother's Day weekend with my nephew, sister and brother-in-law in the Big Apple. It was mahvelous...the photos from previous posts were taken during their time here. But what I didn't share is the random, but interesting things we did together...

Yes, yes, this is the 6th time (at least), that I have either mentioned or shown photos of my nephew. I'm becoming one of those obsessively doting aunties that every little child dreads by the time they are 5. He doesn't seem to mind the attention yet, but then again, this little kiddo is the most sweet-tempered, gentle and happy child I've ever encountered.

I love this kid. And he's not even mine, but people out there, seriously, there is a chemical bond or some kind of 'thing' that little babies emit through their smile, their touch and smell...once you are hooked, that's it. You know the child will be a part of you forever. aah...! He has been such a source of joy to our family.

Ok, enough already. Here is a little summary of our excursion in the Big Apple with photos to boot (above).

Central Park Zoo, where we saw the seals being fed and polar bears, the cutest animals, ever. I could watch them for hours...

Apple Store, where we took our family photo using their nifty Photobooth software (see blog 5.12)...emailing it to our mom just in time for Mother's Day.

Visits to a couple of little restaurants.

and finally, the Martha Stewart show, where my sister managed to get tickets weeks prior and decided to take me along. Quite an interesting phenomenon Martha is, I must say...

now it's back to the books.

Innocence Project

2007-05-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

See this moving story of a man convicted of murder, jailed for 19 years, almost granted the death penalty, now set free after DNA evidence proved his innocence. The picture of his face, soaked in tears says it all. For full article, see link here.

As he left the courthouse, Mr. Halsey said, “I thank my Lord and savior Jesus for keeping me.”

Amazing story.

Thanks to Innocence Project whose lawyers played a pivotal role in setting the record straight.

Zephaniah

2007-05-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today's biblegateway verse of the day:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Nephew update

2007-05-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

My prayer

2007-05-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord,

I thank you for clearing away the cobwebs and taking away the dross, for leading me out of darkness into your light, for showing me that the reality that was, is nothing compared to the reality that is to come. I thank you for answering my prayers in amazing and providential ways. You have provided more than enough for me, in every way. I trust you with my whole heart.

I want, so much, for you to be the center of my life, Lord. I want so much, for my heart to cleave to yours. I know that through all the trials and difficulties you have placed in my path, all have been set there to humble me and allow me to be refined as by fire; to see how weak and desperate I am without you. To see how fallen and sinful I am without your amazing grace.

Thank you for the cross. Thank you for dying for me and giving your life for me. Help me never to turn my back to you. Please do not take your Holy Spirit away from me. Show me your way and guide me to life everlasting.

This I pray, in Jesus name.

Amen.

Difficult words to chew on

2007-05-04T06:45:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 6:14-16

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God...

Joy

2007-05-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

...in the form of my nephew. My sister just sent this photo and I want to be able to easily access his smile wherever I am...he is so lovable; and I love him, indeed, very much.

Amazing how God speaks through His word

2007-04-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Am working through painful issues in relation to someone I know, who I have wanted to believe was a follower of Christ, but am finding to be harder to believe over time. I continue to pray for the salvation of my loved ones who do not know Christ. And I continue to hope and pray that God will not let me fall away. Here is the verse that came to me today, via biblegateway's verse of the day. It was a combination of truth - shedding light on something I didn't understand - wisdom, chastisement and encouragement. Chastisement, especially regarding the unwholesome talk. (sigh) The first paragraph jumped out at me as a description of the nature of the problem this person may be experiencing. As simple as it sounds, it's taken me a long time to accept that only God can change a person (including me) on the inside; no one else can. I'm still learning.

Ephesians 4:17-32

Living as Children of Light

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Quotable quotes

2007-04-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

"Joy is the best makeup. Joy, and good lighting."

Grace (Eventually), by Anne Lamott

"When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He starts with an impossibility."

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

Traveling Mercies , by Anne Lamott

Forget the cheese

2007-04-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Anne Lamott's book, "Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith." My favorite passage came in the opening pages of the book which I wanted to share with you here. It's good food for thought, and contains kernels of ideas that have been rolling around in my head quite a bit these days:

"There is not much truth being told in the world. There never was.
This has proven to be a major disappointment to some of us. When I was a child, I thought grown-ups and teachers knew the truth, because they told me they did. It took years for me to discover that the first step in finding out the truth is to begin unlearning almost everything adults had taught me, and to start doing all the things they'd told me not to do. Their main pitch was that achievement equaled happiness, when all you had to do was study rock stars, or movie stars, or them, to see that they were mostly miserable. They were all running around in mazes like everyone else.

On the other hand, sometimes you encountered people who'd stopped playing everyone else's game, who seemed to be semi-happy, and with it, who said, in so many words, I saw the cheese, I lived on it for years, and it wasn't worth it. It was plain old Safeway Swiss."

***

Here's to holding onto what's true; and remembering that achievement does not equal happiness.

It's Spring!

2007-04-24T15:04:00.001-07:00

Eating porridge, playing chess.

2007-04-24T13:48:00.000-07:00

Are apparently the keys to a long life.

This very random article indicates a guy placed a $50,000 bet and won, after turning 100.

Hope for the Hokies

2007-04-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

An interesting site for those who want to learn, pay respects, hear some good, hope-filled music for troubled times.

It's called: Hope for the Hokies.

The Passing of Icons

2007-04-23T16:00:00.000-07:00

What's up with all these human icons passing away recently? Or maybe it's been happening all the time and I am just noticing it now. Very possible.

Kurt Vonnegut...

and now Boris Yeltsin.

(Incidentally, it's very unlikely you'll see those two names strung together like this again. I love being unpredictable that way.)

Speaking of unexpected passings, strangely, I am not as emotionally affected by the Virginia Tech incident in a way that some of my friends seem to be. A Korean-American friend of mine expressed how personally she felt the tragedy because she identified so much with the upbringing and background of the killer and his family...as for me, I think my relative dispassion may have something to do with the fact that while a second-generation Korean-American, I do not feel like the killings had ANYTHING to do with the fact that he was Korean. People from all cultures do crazy, angry, vindictive things. Unfortunately, a lot has to do with the fallenness of human beings. We can blame the killer, the people who failed to love him, those he failed to love, the hate in his heart, the desire to get revenge...but I don't blame Koreans or Korea - and maybe it could have been prevented, but (in a modest attempt to bring me back to my original point), death does reach us all.

There is always an element of sadness or loss to the experience which is undeniable, whether you knew the person personally or only from a distance...I guess it's just very sobering to be reminded of one's mortality, how short life is and how deeply affected by and "agents of affect" we are to those around us. I thought alot about my own mortality when I was in Uganda. Death was so commonplace there. In way, it made things more real, more...visceral. Here death is treated so sterilly (not a word, I know), that it's easy to take life for granted. It's easy to become numb to living.

Maybe that's why I like reading about those who lived well. Maybe that's why such stories seem to capture the headlines.

We see better in hindsight, the life well lived.

My sister, the most amazing person I've ever met.

2007-04-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously.

I wish I wasn't related so that people wouldn't think I was biased, but oh well. You'll just have to take my word for it. She really is an amazing person.

When she isn't teaching kids with special needs, she's raising my little nephew, working on the side doing flower and bouquet arrangements for weddings, baking these amazing cakes and pastries, taking care of her husband, helping out with the youth group, involved in church and now...writing her own songs!

When she and I were young - in elementary school through high school - we used to sing duets together. I remember in middle school she almost disappeared for several months, locking herself up in her room to learn how to play the guitar. She emerged playing all kinds of hymns, folk songs and other stuff just from the few chords she had learned...later, when she went to college, she became the worship leader of the church band and sang every Sunday. She has this natural gift for anything artistic...

When we were in high school, I would go to her room and we would record all kinds of pop songs on our little tape recorder. One of our favorites, aside from the Christian songs we liked to sing, was by the Indigo Girls - we loved singing and harmonizing, "The Power of Two."

I write this and was inspired to write about her emerging talent as a singer-songwriter, when she emailed me yesterday with a recording of a song she wrote called, "How Beautiful It Is." She had just sent it off to a song-writing contest, which will remain unnamed (until she wins it! I hope) and it really made me so PROUD. Everytime you THINK you know someone close to you - watch out - you have no idea just how deep their talents, ideas, beauty lie...She's really understated about her talents, but they have grown an emerged in unexpected ways over the years and I can't help but feel amazed whenever I see how much talent and beauty she possesses, inside and out.

I feel lucky to be her sister, and even luckier to be her friend.

Once I get her permission, I will link the song to this site.

The way to true life

2007-04-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

"Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes."

"...if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile — the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

Romans 10: 4, 9-13

***

It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, what you did in the past. There is hope for everyone if you believe in Jesus, that He came to save us through his death and resurrection. If you believe this with your heart and confess it with your lips, you experience a peace, joy and hope that is literally out of this world... all one needs to do is "call on the name of the Lord."

Amazing. It's that simple.

Hope...is what we need.

2007-04-17T15:19:00.000-07:00

Random killings.

Wars.

Floods.

Disasters.

I can't help but think about the sayings of Jesus and the book of Revelations. The references to the end-times were always a bit of a mystery to me. Yet Jesus spoke often of the times when we would see more and more signs of His return.

When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. But in those days, following that distress, 'the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'...No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. - Mark 13

I spoke with my cousin a few days ago about a sermon she heard her pastor give about Jesus's return...he urged people to keep in mind that "no one knows the hour"...but that someday Jesus would return to judge the world. It could today, tomorrow, a week, or hundreds of years from now...but it will happen when we see signs of trouble in the world. Disasters, floods, people dying, wars, and an increase in these things around the world. My cousin shared that she felt convicted after hearing her pastor's words that life was short and that she needed to make the most of the gifts she had been given to pursue her music career and honor God with the time she had on earth...it made me think about how my decisions and choices in life might be informed by the knowledge that Jesus would return again someday...and that God will judge all that we did, the choices we made, how we lived our lives.

And what does one do in a situation when everything seems to be falling apart in the world?

God has known from the beginning of time all that would happen and all that is to come. He said that someday there would be a 'new heaven and a new earth,' but not before we saw some pretty bad things happen first.

Sound simple? Maybe it is. But he also said the wisdom of God would shame human knowledge and wisdom. His message was so simple that even children could understand it. And yet it is sometimes hard to understand.

I pray that we would come to focus our eyes on Him and that more people would see why we need His hope in a time of uncertainty, why we need a Savior.

"The battle is not between flesh, but in the spiritual realms."

A Man Without a Country

2007-04-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

Tribute to Vonnegut.

"What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured."

"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"

"Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore."

-Kurt Vonnegut

A funny thing happened on the way...

2007-04-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

to Chicago, aka, Chi-town. Or, notoriously, Chi-tonw (famous for a tattoo given to a man with the wrong spelling who is now suing the artist).

I have to be honest. Chicago has not impressed me the few times I have been here in the past several months. It must be the spoiled, cosmopolitan new-yorker in me, but everything moves slower, the wind is colder, the air is darker, the buildings are not as impressive...I dunno. One and a half days it's been, and I want to go back to the Big Apple already. (Of course, it's only been a little over a day! and there are a few friends I will be seeing - could make all the difference.)

But the numerous things that went wrong on the way didn't help either. Bad weather in Chicago caused numerous flight cancellations and delays. I got to the airport extra early, paid a hefty $50 to get to JFK by cab, only to find that my 8pm flight was now pushed to 11pm. I arrived into O'Hare around 1am and decided to take public transportation to my hotel across town at Midway airport (to save money, of course). Background note: I had, several weeks prior, bought a two-night's stay on Priceline, thinking I might find a good deal, but somehow accidentally clicked on "Midway" airport area as an option and got stuck staying at a hotel totally out of the way and non-refundable/non-transferrable to boot. I take the train from O'Hare to the center of town and find the lines to Midway all closed. I am forced to shell out another $30 for a cab to the airport from downtown. I arrive at the Marriot and they tell me that it's totally booked - I am transferred to another hotel (a bit lower in quality) and collapse after 3am, totally exhausted...

Today was another long day, not too bad, but not too good either. I don't know what it is about the travels, but this has not been smooth sailing by any means. So many little things have gone wrong, that it all seems too much to be mere coincidence. Maybe God is telling me I belong back in New York, or that I need to unlearn my New York sensibilities...

I made a conscious decision to make this trip to Chicago - while ostensibly for work - a spiritual retreat as well. Brought my bible, brought my journal (which I tend to write in highly inconsistently) and decided to be intentional about prayer, meditation and reflection and time with the Lord. I think it started out great on the way from New York to Chicago. Wrote in my journal at the airport, prayed, felt God speaking to me and reminding me of things He had shared long ago. Even before falling asleep last night, I managed to read some verses in Proverbs (sobering) and pray for a while, before drifting off to sleep. It felt intense, it felt like something I needed to do...not sure why.

Anyway, I woke up (not quite refreshed) this morning and went downtown to the conference site, where I had to last minute chair and act as a discussant for a panel. This was or seemed like side stuff - the conference/panel/networking deal is all surreal. I feel like a part of me is there, but a lot of me wonders (as I do whenever I am surrounded in large meetings with a lot vibes exuding self-importance and vanity, where I hardly know the people on a personal level) whether all of this is really pleasing to God...(or is this thought an excuse for looking heavenward so I can avoid concrete realities of everyday life?) In any case, I have been thinking a lot about what God may be teaching me about myself, my relationships and the things happening in my life at this particular season or time. Cliche as it sounds, I want to turn over a new leaf. I feel like now is the time...to recommit my decisions, my life and focus on Him and His purposes. To let go of whatever is hindering me in my walk with Him and to make Christ first.

It's hard though - (and not to be the drama queen) but I feel a little bit like those poor Israelites in the desert, right after leaving Egypt...my Chicago...? my New York? Many years go by before they reach Canaan, the Promised Land. When will I arrive? Who and where are my fellow Israelites? Do I have the heart and mind and faith to receive "the good things He has prepared for those who love Him"?

I want to have the faith, the trust that God will lead - that I would be able to simply follow and obey.

Help me have the faith that can move mountains, God. Help me to believe in your power to do anything when we ask in Your name and call on the name of Jesus.

Help me not to be lukewarm or half-hearted, but fully committed to living out my life in devotion to you.

Help me to be a light and a servant; to make myself less so that you can become more.

I want you to be the center of my life, Lord.

The center.

Maybe that's what I've learned the last few days...How strange and paradoxical it is - but maybe setbacks have a way of moving you forward.

A legend has passed away

2007-04-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

Death never fails to surprise me.

Kurt Vonnegut has passed away...curmudgeonly, but wise, smart but not overly cynical, a wonderful storyteller...a truth teller, really.

Today's verse on Biblegateway

2007-04-05T07:54:00.001-07:00

“For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”

- 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

Power corrupts, or so they say, but who knew it also made you stupid?

2007-04-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

Fascinating and sobering Op-ed in today's NYtimes. Read it and weep not - the message seems to be, "be careful." I'm not sure if it's the only conclusion one may draw from this, but I guess it's more evidence that money, power and prestige have a way of corrupting, and now there's evidence (and some funny stories) to suggest why and how.

***
New York Times

April 4, 2007
Op-Ed Contributor
The Rich Are More Oblivious Than You and Me
By RICHARD CONNIFF
Old Lyme, Conn.
THE other day at a Los Angeles race track, a comedian named Eddie Griffin took a meeting with a concrete barrier and left a borrowed bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo looking like bad origami. Just to be clear, this was a different bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo from the one a Swedish businessman crumpled up and threw away last year on the Pacific Coast Highway. I mention this only because it’s easy to get confused by the vast and highly repetitious category “Rich and Famous People Acting Like Total Idiots.” Mr. Griffin walked away uninjured, and everybody offered wise counsel about how this wasn’t really such a bad day after all.

So what exactly constitutes a bad day in this rarefied little world? Did the casino owner Steve Wynn cross the mark when he put his elbow through a Picasso he was about to sell for $139 million? Did Mel (“I Own Malibu”) Gibson sense bad-day emanations when he started on a bigoted tirade while seated drunk in the back of a sheriff’s car? And if dumb stuff like this comes so easy to these people, how is it that they’re the ones with all the money?

Modern science has the answer, with a little help from the poet Hilaire Belloc.

Let’s begin with what I call the “Cookie Monster Experiment,” devised to test the hypothesis that power makes people stupid and insensitive — or, as the scientists at the University of California at Berkeley put it, “disinhibited.”

Researchers led by the psychologist Dacher Keltner took groups of three ordinary volunteers and randomly put one of them in charge. Each trio had a half-hour to work through a boring social survey. Then a researcher came in and left a plateful of precisely five cookies. Care to guess which volunteer typically grabbed an extra cookie? The volunteer who had randomly been assigned the power role was also more likely to eat it with his mouth open, spew crumbs on partners and get cookie detritus on his face and on the table.

It reminded the researchers of powerful people they had known in real life. One of them, for instance, had attended meetings with a magazine mogul who ate raw onions and slugged vodka from the bottle, but failed to share these amuse-bouches with his guests. Another had been through an oral exam for his doctorate at which one faculty member not only picked his ear wax, but held it up to dandle lovingly in the light.

As stupid behaviors go, none of this is in a class with slamming somebody else’s Ferrari into a concrete wall. But science advances by tiny steps.

The researchers went on to theorize that getting power causes people to focus so keenly on the potential rewards, like money, sex, public acclaim or an extra chocolate-chip cookie — not necessarily in that order, or frankly, any order at all, but preferably all at once — that they become oblivious to the people around them.

Indeed, the people around them may abet this process, since they are often subordinates intent on keeping the boss happy. So for the boss, it starts to look like a world in which the traffic lights are always green (and damn the pedestrians). Professor Keltner and his fellow researchers describe it as an instance of “approach/inhibition theory” in action: As power increases, it fires up the behavioral approach system and shuts down behavioral inhibition.

And thus the Fast Forward Personality is born and put on the path to the concrete barrier.

The corollary is that as the rich and powerful increasingly focus on potential rewards, powerless types notice the likely costs and become more inhibited. I happen to know the feeling because I once had my own Los Angeles Ferrari experience. It was a bright-red F355 Spider (and with a mere $150,000 sticker price, not exactly top shelf), which I rented for a television documentary about rich people. It came with a $10,000 deductible, and the first time I drove it into a Bel-Air estate, the low-slung front end hit the apron of the driveway with a horrible grating sound that caused my soul to shrink. I proceeded up the driveway at five miles an hour, and everyone in sight turned away thinking, “Rental.”

The bottom line: Without power, people tend to play it safe. Given power, even you and I would soon end up living large and acting like idiots. So pity the rich — and protect yourself. This is where Hilaire Belloc comes in.

He once wrote a poem about a Lord Finchley, who “tried to mend the Electric Light/Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!” Belloc wasn’t tiresomely suggesting that the gentry all deserve a first-hand acquaintance with the third rail, as it were, but merely that they would be smart to depend on hired help. In social psychology terms, disinhibited Fast Forward types need ordinary cautious mortals to remind them that the traffic lights do in fact occasionally turn yellow or even, sometimes, red.

So, Eddie Griffin: next time you borrow a pal’s car, borrow his driver, too. The world will be a safer place for the rest of us.

Richard Conniff is the author of “The Natural History of the Rich.”

The Good Friday Life

2007-04-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

The title of an article on Christianity Today written by Mark Galli on a set of issues that I wrestle with - the role of religion in politics, the tension between sin and grace.

Here are a few thought-provoking excerpts from Galli's essay. I appreciate his honesty and humility - what we all need more of in this grace-starved world. The full article may be found by clicking here.

Many years ago, my wife and I were having a marital "moral discourse," and I was becoming increasingly agitated. In my fury, I yelled at her and aimed my fist at a section of the dining room wall. Unfortunately, the Holy Spirit failed to guide my hand between the studs, as he usually had done, and instead I hit a stud right on. I broke a knuckle.

A deathly silence settled in the room. While I came from a family in which nothing got done until someone yelled, Barb came from a family in which yelling brought things to a standstill. She was not going to speak to me for weeks. As I writhed in physical pain, I also writhed in emotional pain. I was a moral failure of a husband.

***

As I tried awkwardly, with one hand, to sweep up the bits of sheetrock strewn on the floor, I felt a hand on my arm. I turned around, and it was Barb. She said something apologetic. I said something apologetic. And then she embraced me for a long time.

She had every right to pronounce a grand moral imperative, condemn my behavior, and distance herself from me. That surely would have taught me a lesson. Instead, she embraced the angry sinner, and rather than teaching me a lesson, she helped heal me.

This Friday we Christians celebrate a similar event, albeit one of cosmic proportions. In his life, Jesus so identified with the immoral, spent so much time with them, that the good people of his day mistook him for a sinner. On Good Friday, Jesus continued the story. He did not distance himself from sin as much as embrace it in himself. And by this embrace, he made redemption possible.

***

For the Christian, moral discourse begins by focusing not on the sins of the other but on one's own failures. "O God, be merciful to me, a sinner." It is the publican's humble prayer that is accepted by God, and it is the Pharisee—who is confident of his morality and the other's immorality—who is condemned. Moral discourse begins, as Jesus said, by taking the log out of our own eye.

Rarely do we hear a politician publicly concede wrongdoing. A stunning exception to this was demonstrated to me last year in Vietnam. I was part of a delegation that was pressing the government to grant more religious freedom. One official in the ministry of foreign affairs startled me when he said, "On our part, we're not saying that we are error- or mistake- free. That is why we very much want to improve things."

Would that more Christian activists—even behind closed doors—framed their public denunciations by admitting their own political shortcomings first.

A Christian account of the world, though, goes even deeper. For the politician, immorality is "redeemed" by public condemnation and by distancing oneself from the immoral. The disciple of Jesus, however, embraces the immoral and opens the door of redemption by that very embrace.

Please understand me...

2007-04-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

The name of a classic book about Meyers-Briggs personality types which was developed by a noted psychologist, Carl Jung.

Here's a link to a free online test: humanmetrics

There are four dimensions to the test:
I - introvert E - extrovert
N - intuitive S - sensing
F - feeling T - thinking
P - perceiving J - judging

These are not necessarily set in stone, but at the moment, I'm an INFP.

Hallmark Characteristics: Virtuous, Devoted, Theoretical, Compassionate, and Private

Leadership Style: Skilled listeners with a natural ability to identify with others, INFPs project an outward quiet gentleness, which masks their great determination. Proficient at encouraging others they affirm individual contributions and relentlessly uphold regarded values and ideals while inspiring followers to achieve goal accomplishment.

And another.

"Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened."

and at another site:

"Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and investigative and attentive in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply - indeed, passionately - about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity."

The mystery of faith

2007-04-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have certain quotes, things I read here and there that have been sources of inspiration, encouragement, hope, chastisement, at critical junctures in my life. I want to note them here, to share them with others, and remember them for times when I start to forget that God does speak, that He listens, that He knows what we need to hear.

"When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He always starts with an impossibility."

-Ann Lammott - Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

"Those who cry as they plant crops will sing at harvest time.
Those who cry as they carry out the seeds will return singing and carrying bundles of grain."

-Psalms 126: 5-6

"I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.
I wait for the Lord to help me more than night watchmen wait for the dawn,
more than night watchmen wait for the dawn.
People of Israel, put your hope in the Lord because He is loving and able to save. He will save Israel from all their sins."

Psalms 128:5-8

and last but not least, PSALM 91.

I saw this on the license plate of a parked car as I was getting out of a taxi near my apartment one evening last year; and I ran to my room to see what words were there. Tears came as I realized that God was speaking to me in that moment, with the words I needed to hear. I went downstairs to see if the car was still there. It had disappeared.

Those who go to God the Most High for safety will be protected by the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."

God will save you from hidden traps and from deadly diseases. He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you can hide. His truth will be your shield and protection. You will not fear any danger by night or an arrow during the day. You will not be afraid...

The Lord is your protection; you have made God Most High your place of safety...

The Lord says, "Whoever loves me, I will save. I will protect those who know me. They will call to me, and I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble; I will rescue them and honor them. I will give them a long, full life, and they will see how I can save."

What the world would look like if....

2007-03-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

People complained less?

I was up late last night and saw this segment on Oprah about a pastor who decided to start a campaign called, "A Complaint Free World."

You can find the website on the msn article linked above and order no complaint- bracelets for free.

Be Green.

2007-03-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

My mom told me today. It was so cute. At first I thought she was make a reference to Kermit the frog; or I that maybe her being in Southern California had finally done a number on her outlook on things...but no, she was referring to this passage below which I found on today's Biblegateway verse of the day:

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8

I needed to see this today. It spoke directly to my situation. Directly.
It's funny how difficult it is to 'prove' God speaks - that He performs miracles all the time. Because only He would understand the significance of this verse at this particular moment in time. The combination of the chastisement, encouragement, hope, food for thought that I needed...it's quite remarkable.

This is no longer original...

2007-03-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

I've posted this on a few other sites, but what the hay.

Enough is enough!

:)

Zimbabwe - Sign a letter

2007-03-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

In case you've been following the news Zimbabwe has been deteriorating and needs your help. Sign this letter if you get this in time and send to Katila below:

Thanks!

****

From: Katila Pinto de Andrade

Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 10:26 AM

Subject: FW: ZIMBABWE STATEMENT FOR SIGN ON

Dear Colleagues, Friends and Partner

As indicated earlier today please find hereunder the statement that we would like your support on. The statement will be run in a least one major newspaper in every country in the SADC region and at least 2 South African papers. What is required is that you mail your support to me (KatilaP@angola.osisa.org ), either as an individual or as an organization. The cut-off time will be tomorrow,

14 March 2007 at 16h00. We are trying to get as many signatures onto the petition as possible so please also forward to as many people as possible.

We look forward to your support in the fight for democracy and respect for human rights.

The OSISA Team

Zimbabweans fight while SADC Watches in Silence: A Call to Action

We represent the many people within SADC who believe in lasting and democratic solutions to the crisis in Zimbabwe. We issue this open letter to all citizens of this region, and in particular to our heads of state and government, members of parliament in the respective countries and senior leaders within the SADC and African Union Secretariats to take urgent action to end the crisis in Zimbabwe.

We learned with shock and dismay of the Zimbabwe state's attack on its citizens on Sunday 11 March 2007 which resulted in the death of Gift Tandare. We are horrified to learn of the arrest and detention of dozens of civil society, church and opposition parties leaders at a peaceful prayer meeting that took place the same day. Their subsequent detention without access to legal counsel and appropriate medical attention is cause for great concern.

We are outraged that not a single state within SADC and the AU has issued a statement decrying the situation and calling for the restoration of, and respect for, human rights in Zimbabwe.

For almost a decade the people of Zimbabwe have suffered under the

unjust regime of Robert Mugabe and his ZANU-PF party. Freedom of

expression and assembly have been severely curtailed, virtually all

independent media outlets have been shut down, and thousands of people

have been dispossessed by an increasingly desperate party and its ruler.

For many years Zimbabwean activists have mounted protest actions and

demonstrations, and have made it clear to the world that they aspire to

live under a democratic dispensation. Using non-violent means, the

people of Zimbabwe have used all legitimate structures at their

disposal: the courts, their parliament and the media, with little or no

effect.

Today, in solidarity with the people of Zimbabwe, we, the people of this

region, must say that enough is enough. Our governments cannot continue

to ignore this situation. Millions of Zimbabweans are displaced and are

no longer able to live in their once prosperous nation. Millions more

within Zimbabwe are hungry, sick and unable to access basic services.

If action is not taken now at the highest levels, there will be blood on

the hands of all those states whose silence has aided and abetted

Mugabe¹s regime. The time for a softly-softly approach if there ever

was one is over.

Those who defend Mugabe imply that his opponents seek to overthrow the

Mugabe regime. This is simply untrue. We firmly believe that the

future of Zimbabwe lies in the hands of Zimbabweans themselves. The

future of Zimbabwe lies in national constitutional talks, in free and

fair elections and in a return to the respect of human rights

principles. The role of the regional and continental community is to

facilitate this process.

We therefore demand regional and continental intervention to ensure:

1. Freedom of assembly, expression, opinion and association are respected;

2. The media is allowed to operate freely;

3. That the looming humanitarian crisis that prevents Zimbabweans from

accessing basic social services including food security, health care,

water and sanitation, be averted.

We urgently call upon all heads of state and government in SADC to

ensure the following:

1. An independent investigation into the death of Gift Tandare on 11

March 2007 following the police shooting in Highfield;

2. The release from detention of all political detainees currently in

custody as a result of exercising their democratic rights to peaceful

protest on 11 March 2007;

3. Provision of quality medical attention to all those in custody;

4. Access to legal counsel by all those in custody;

5. Speedy resolution of this situation by the courts and compliance with

court orders by the police.

Furthermore, we insist that African governments to use bilateral and

multilateral means such as the SADC, African Union and the United

Nations to urgently appoint and dispatch a high-level team of eminent

persons to:

1. Assess the situation on the ground in order to prevent more shootings

and harm to the general public, and

2. Develop a sustainable and inclusive diplomatic solution to the crisis

which includes the hosting of inclusive talks.

NOW IS THE TIME TO ACT, THE FUTURE OF ZIMBABWE IS AT STAKE.

THE PEOPLE OF SADC

1. The Open Society Initiative for Southern Africa (OSISA)

2.

3.

Why they call them "entrepreneurs"

2007-03-09T10:15:00.001-08:00

A jacket for sleeping on public transportation:
Here, and really, right here: http://www.makaga.com/projects/excubo/

No waay.

How does one grow up to think outside the box?

Dare you think cast a wide I-surfing net, I saw this posted as a link to Tara's mahvelous "Here's to Hindsight" blog.

Love Test

2007-02-12T16:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever really loved somebody? I'm not sure...but it's the "always" that gets me in the verse below. And what is love, if the other person doesn't love you back? I guess that's the test.

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”- 1 Corinthians 13: 6-7

Billy Graham

2007-02-12T14:52:00.000-08:00

...wrote a message to me on my space. This is what myspace does - strangers become "friends." I am now "friends" with the likes of Zach Braff (of Scrubs fame), Chris Tomlin, Derek Weber (musicians), and yes, you guessed it, Billy Graham.

Background to joining myspace: I was a member and didn't even realize it. That is, until a friend pointed it out and invited me to be his 'friend.' I looked, and lo and behold, there I was. Disturbing. I don't ever remember signing up. What was more strange was the only thing written on the site about me when I took a look: "Doesn't want to have kids." Who could've written this horrible distortion of the truth?

Well. I snooped around and saw that a few of my friends had not put up a profile either - and the default posting seemed to be "doesn't ever want to have kids" as well. I'm guessing it's probably a ploy by myspace to get people to upload their space with the correct information. Cause who doesn't want to have kids? and even if you didn't, why would you want to broadcast it to the whole myspace world?

I am addicted to myspace, btw. All of 5 days it took me to get addicted to something other than facebook...I think it's my way of making up for the lack of socializing of late.

yeah, pretty pathetic...but oh-so fun. :)

Sedona

2007-02-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

I was here! or er, rather there!

If I ever have a daughter, I think I'll name her Sedona.

Is this a waste of time? Tell me.

2007-02-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

Probably so, but I've gone on done it.

www.myspace.com/lovejesus

Sad.

2007-02-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

I just received an email from a former pastor about a death in the church, of a guy I kinda knew and interacted with a few years ago. I was shocked and saddened by the news. I am not sure what led to his passing - but he was a very young guy. I came across this blog after reading the email and couldn't help but think along the same lines as this "naked pastor" blogger.

Btw, "Nato" below is not the guy I knew...someone else, but the thoughts here resonate with me and are worth sharing.

I had an acquaintance who committed suicide a number of years ago and number 1 below hit me like a rock. I had no idea that beneath her calm, serene exterior she was experiencing so much pain...

Read on.

***

10 Things A Friend’s Death Taught MePosted in real life, thoughts by nakedpastor on the February 7th, 2007

I wrote these 10 points for myself, and thought I would share them with you today. Our friend Nato took his own life just weeks ago, and he’s left behind not only some precious memories, but some pretty serious thinking as well. So, although these are for me, listen in if you want:

1. LISTEN: People aren’t necessarily fine. Just because someone looks and seems fine, it doesn’t mean they are. I’ve dealt with several suicides before. All of them are a shock, but some more than others. I’ve heard a statistic that about 80% reveal signs beforehand that suicide is an option. The other 20% are a complete shock to everyone, even those closest to them. I’ve learned over the years that people aren’t what they seem. I’ve learned not to be impressed with the persona that’s put out there. I always try to assume that people are wrestling with fundamental issues and many are carrying a great deal of pain. Hear what they are saying, how they are saying it, body language, anything! Underneath the calm can be a great deal of turbulence.

2. LEAN: Find someone to lean on. Learn how to express what you are going through. Find someone who can listen to your deepest fears and most intense pain. Learn to not be ashamed of yourself and trust someone with your truest self. If you start thinking life isn’t worth living, immediately realize it is a lie. If you start thinking of suicide, for God’s sake, tell someone! If someone asks you if you are, be honest and tell the truth. Life is worth living! Don’t believe the lie. There is help out there! Try talking.

3. LOOSEN UP: Follow your passion. Find out now what you really, really want to do in life and pursue that. Since Nato’s suicide, some people who knew him have actually quit jobs that they hated or are contemplating doing so, figuring correctly that life’s too short to be stuck in something that’s killing their soul! Why stay trapped in a cell to which you hold the key in your own hand? Go for it! Be released!

4. LET IT GO: Money ain’t everything. So what if you are in debt up to your eyeballs! So what if you seem forever to struggle for money. Some people feel so overwhelmed with money problems that they see no way out of the trap and would rather escape the whole world than deal with it. This is related to the point above, but settle it in your heart right now that it doesn’t matter how much or little money you have, joy is the possession of everyone, including you, no matter what size the bank account or the burden of debt.

5. LOVE: Love the one you’re with. I mean really love them. Don’t believe the myth that the grass is greener on the other side. The one you fell in love with years ago might be gone tomorrow. You might be gone tomorrow. Love is the greatest! So do it, and do it now. Don’t wait for perfect conditions. Love Lisa. Love your kids. Love them unconditionally. Extravagantly! Stop holding back, being reserved and cautious. Love her like there is no tomorrow.

6. LIVE and LAUGH: Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy life. It isn’t all about working, making money, paying bills, chores, deadlines. It is about life. It is about enjoying the trees, the sunsets, the walks, the drives, the stars, the music, the wine, the people, the movies, whatever. Take it all in. Drink life to the dregs. Live every day as though it were your last. You’re taking life too seriously. Have fun. Enjoy what you have and enjoy what is. I am surrounded by all kinds of things to enjoy and to rejoice in. Gandhi’s mantra was “joy”. In spite of indescribable struggles and hardships, joy characterized his demeanor. Rejoice! Again I say, rejoice!

7. LOSE IT: Don’t put up with the crap. Suddenly, some things are no longer important to those of us left behind. When faced with death or other kinds of great loss, superficialities lose their appeal. Things that waste time and energy and money no longer tempt. Things that are fake are forsaken. It’s time to get real! If you smell crap coming, reject it! If you detect it in yourself, dump it! Hate hypocrisy! Abhor pretension!

8. LEARN: Learn that God is far more mysterious than you give him credit for. You so want to believe silly notions about God because they give you a false sense of security and comfort. Suddenly, this kind of tragedy makes you realize that God and life aren’t as simple as you’d like or thought. God is very unlike you, and his ways are not your ways. He doesn’t subscribe to your neat little packages. You are swimming in an endless, fathomless ocean of profound, beautiful and terrifying mystery!

9. LEAP: Take some chances. Live a life of risk. Do what you’ve always wanted to do. Take that trip. Try a new venture. Start that business! Sell all you have and give to the poor. Whatever it is that you’ve dreamed of doing, give it a shot. Life’s too short to live a life of just dreaming, of caution and inevitably of regret. Take that extraordinary leap of faith. What are you waiting for?

10. LET THEM BE: One of the consistent burdens that you carry are the expectations put upon you by others. Of course, you need to learn to resist carrying other people’s expectations they place upon you, but my point here is that you need to let people be! Don’t thrust your goals for others upon them. Not even your children or wife! Release people from your desires. Let people be free to choose their own destiny, to find themselves, to live as they see fit. Loosen your hold on others. They are already extraordinarily beautiful!

In conclusion: Picture yourself on your death bed. What will be filling your heart and mind at that moment? Money? Job? Vocation? Cars? Houses? Possessions? Projects? Goals? Expectations for others? No! Your heart will be bursting with gratitude for those who’ve loved you and for those you’ve loved. The only regret will be that you didn’t love and receive love more freely and unconditionally. So start now!

This, I like.

2007-02-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

Can't help but grab this post and stick it on mine. Hey, it's a free blog-world, is it not? What insight, what truth contained in this meditation below from the blog next door, "Here's to Hindsight." It's not about me trying to be good or trying at all - it's about surrender and a giving up - a realizing that I am nothing without the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

***

Rest
By "Here's to Hindsight"
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

When Jesus said [those words], He assumed we would all grow weary, discouraged, disheartened along the way. These words are a touching testimony to the genuine humanness of Jesus.
- Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

One of my friends asked me once if Christianity is like the "lazy" form of religion, because it kills off the notion of the necessity of being a good person. And after I thought about it, I think I realized that Christianity is not at all lazy, because it requires a great deal of effort to remember that I can do nothing to earn my salvation, especially when everything inside of me wants to lay claim to some worthy actions. Christianity, in its truest form, tells me to kill off the notion of pride... to recognize myself incapable of doing good. It's pretty humbling. And immensely beautiful.

Here it is, really: Jesus did not die to make me a good person. He died to make the dead thing in me alive.

Reading Colossians 1:9-14

2007-02-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

Felt these words POP out to me last night and this morning...asking God to speak into my situation.

Has that ever happened to you?

***

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Wow.

2007-02-05T18:48:00.000-08:00

Featured in Today's NYTimes. I remember reading the article about the Ghanian boys sold by their parents into hard labor (October 29th NYTimes mentioned below)...I remember how affected I was reading the story, but I was even more affected by the story about this couple, Pam and Randy, a pair of remarkable people; a story of how God turns tragedy into something...amazing.

Two of the boys, Mark and John Arthur Kwado, 6 and 12 years old, who are featured in the article, had been working on a fishing boat, after being sold by their mother into indentured labor...the two brothers were placed in a Christian run orphanage through Mr. and Mrs. Cope's efforts.

It seems they are involved in an organization, Touch a Life, which has more information about the Cope's and how to help.

February 5, 2007
Building a Memorial to a Son, One Child at a Time
By SHARON LaFRANIERE
Seven years ago, Pam Cope owned a hair salon in Neosho, a tiny southwest Missouri town, and her husband, Randy, had just been appointed vice president of a company that ran a string of newspapers there and in neighboring states.

Their lives revolved around their son’s baseball games, their daughter’s dance lessons and trips to places like Walt Disney World.

“My world was very small,” Mrs. Cope said in a telephone interview in late January from Neosho, where she still lives. “I was pretty shallow.”

Few would say that today.

Early last month, Mrs. Cope returned from Ghana, where she had financed the rescue of seven children who were working as indentured servants on fishing boats for as little as $20 a year. The youngest of them, Mark Kwadwo, 6, had labored in dire conditions under a brutal fisherman who beat him when he did not get up at midnight to bail out canoes.

Working with a small Ghanaian charity, Mrs. Cope paid $3,600 to free the children and found them a new home in an orphanage near Accra, the capital. After years of privation, the children were dumbstruck by the plentiful breakfast served at the orphanage, caregivers there said.

Mrs. Cope’s trip to Ghana followed journeys to Vietnam and Cambodia, where she and her husband help finance shelters for needy children and their families, and where the Copes adopted two Vietnamese children.

The little hair salon, with its cozy peach and green decor, is a dim memory. Mrs. Cope is now a fund-raiser and executive of Touch a Life Ministries, an organization she and her husband started to help desperate children in faraway places. By their reckoning, the group has spent about $150,000, mainly in Cambodia and Vietnam, on such tasks as financing shelters for children who are abused, handicapped, living on the street or orphaned by AIDS.

Mrs. Cope says that work has brought new meaning to a life that was once far more circumscribed. But her motivation lies elsewhere: by helping children abroad, the Copes sought to create a legacy for their son, Jantsen, who died in June 1999, unexpectedly, of an undetected heart ailment.

Jantsen was an athletic, fun-loving 15-year-old, the first baseman on a local team, excited about the prospect of high school. With his death, “we were instantly transformed into different people,” Mrs. Cope said. “We couldn’t resume normal life. We already knew that.”

It took the Copes about a year to find their new focus. Jantsen’s funeral was the start. In lieu of flowers, the they asked for donations to a memorial fund in his name.

The fund accumulated a surprising $25,000, and the Copes searched for how best to spend it in Neosho, a town of about 11,000. They thought of buying new uniforms for the girls’ soccer team, but discovered that it already had money for that. They considered buying new playground equipment for the parks, but that did not seem to be a crying need either.

“It got to the point it was almost comical,” Mrs. Cope said. “All the doors were closed. That’s when we decided that God had very specific plans for this money and that our money should be spent overseas.”

They finally offered the money to Arkansas friends who were building orphanages in Vietnam and went there to see the work under way. That changed their lives: they adopted two orphaned babies. An additional 45 children are now cared for in shelters with their organization’s support. In Cambodia, they help finance a shelter for families suffering from AIDS-related illness.

Mrs. Cope, 44, and her husband, who is still a publishing company executive, run the organization together. They make a monthly contribution from their income. He keeps track of the accounts. She makes the rounds of churches and service clubs and chooses the projects.

Initially, she found fund-raising stressful. “I would speak to 400 or 500 people, and nobody would give me any money,” she said. Then, she said, she decided she could only try to be a voice for children in crisis, not control the reaction. Now she views the balance sheet with equanimity.

“Money comes from places I never expect, and places I expect to get money from I don’t,” she said. “Part of my message is, you don’t have to have tons of money, but you have to have a willing heart.”

Hers was touched Oct. 29 by the plight of Ghanaian children who were forced to labor up to 14 hours a day for fishermen on Lake Volta. The Copes read an article in The New York Times that day about how the child workers in fishing villages around Kete Krachi were deprived of necessities, schooling and freedom.

The International Organization for Migration, an intergovernmental group that fights child trafficking, was planning a long-term rescue project there. Late in January, working with officials from the Ministry of Women and Children in Ghana, it secured the freedom of 25 children, its first group from Kete Krachi.

But Mrs. Cope did not want to wait to see if the International Organization for Migration would come through. Working from her home in November, she teamed up with a Kete Krachi schoolteacher, George Achibra, and a Dutch volunteer, Paul van den Bosch. The men run Pacodep, a small nonprofit group in Ghana. It also aids International Organization for Migration programs.

Mr. Achibra and Mr. van den Bosch negotiated with the employers of seven children, offering to pay for new nets, boat repairs and other needs in exchange for the children’s freedom. The two tracked down the parents of those children. All of the destitute parents agreed in writing that their children should be cared for at a Christian-run orphanage called The Village of Hope, Mr. van den Bosch said.

Four days before Christmas, the children arrived by bus at the orphanage. Caregivers said one girl was so fearful of going hungry that she filled a bag with leftovers from other children’s plates. Few of the children had had any schooling. All now attend school.

When Mrs. Cope visited in January, she found Mark Kwadwo a transformed child — reveling in piggyback rides, spaghetti and his new school uniform.

“To hear him giggle,” she wrote by e-mail, “was priceless.”

Incarnating.

2007-02-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

A few of my favorite things, part deux

2007-02-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

Random, random thoughts, inspired by Alissa's "Six Weird Things About Me," making the blogging circuit. I wasn't tagged, so I feel obliged to pass on the warm fuzzies, but with a little variation of my own, entitled, "A few of my favorite things," which I should warn you, are actually more than a few:

1. lukas, my nephew - cutest, most precious boy in the world. (no, i'm not biased)

2. sushi, all kinds.

3. new york city.

4. whole milk.

5. puns. bad ones. and corny jokes - the worse, the better.

6. rapping. yes, out loud.

...and last but not least...

7. green peas. I have an inordinate affection for green peas. not world peas, green peas. (remember, I love puns.)

there you have it.

this is all prelude to something that caught my eye on the blogs listed below, titled, "Six Weird Things About Me." I have yet to come up with interesting ones of my own, but I liked the flavor of these below (from several different individuals, mind you):

*Alissa*

1. I strongly dislike most cheeses, unless they’re melted and on things like pizza and grilled cheese sandwiches. This puts me in a weird place with all my cultured friends (cheese, bread, and wine, right?), but the stuff makes me gag.

2. Similar situation with milk. I positively cannot drink milk from a glass. Disgusting.

3. When I was a kid, I used to dip my hands in those little plates of Elmer’s glue they’d have at art class and let it dry so I could peel it off. I still have to keep myself from peeling off scabs.

4. I have never seen Titanic.

***

*Josh*(tagged, by Alissa)

1. I pray a lot- Every morning I pray before I get out of bed. Then again when I leave the house. Then at work before it starts. Then at lunch time. Then when I get home (usually for 30 min to an hour). Then again before bed. And of course, any other times that I deem necessary throughout the day.

2. There has never been a time in my life when I haven’t wanted to be married- This may not be so weird for some but I know it will be for others. I’ve never so valued singledom that I’d prefer it to marriage. When I was sixteen I actually thought I was going to marry the girl I dated in high school. That’s a true story. Even as a young boy I dreamed of the day I’d be all grown-up with a wife of my own, despite my father’s warnings against the ball-and-chain of marriage. Alas, I’m still dreaming.

***

Neat, eh? Sorry if I've embarrassed anyone (including myself). May fall in the category of my favorite habit, a potential #8, divulging TMI.

A few of my favorite things

2007-02-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

As I posted briefly in the goingtouganda blog, I've decided to start another, to widen the scope a bit, and share more about the goings on in other parts of my life, brain, thoughts, etc...

So here we go. I was inspired in part, by folks from church - acquaintances, really, but excellent writers and culture-enthusiasts. Here are my favorites below, as I work on creating original pieces of my own:

tara
josh
alissa (and tom)

Hope they don't mind my sharing.

Have fun and stay tuned.