So, I came home from work today and started going through the internet to find job listings. Anything. Something. High and Low. (and I mean High and well, mostly very Low!) hehe.
Then I decided I needed to stop and pray. I went to my room, sat on my bed, and asked God to speak to me through His word (i.e., the Bible). I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find, but I decided I needed to ask for His help before doing anything foolish.
Well, strangely, I opened to Jeremiah and came upon Chapter 31. My eyes kind of went buggy when I got to this passage: "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears for your work will be rewarded," declares the Lord. "They will return from the land of the enemy, So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord.
and then onwards. Then, "Set up road signs; put up guideposts. Take note of the highway, the road that you take. Return, O Virgin Israel, return to your towns. How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter? The Lord will create a new thing on earth -- a woman will surround a man."
Oh...my...goodness.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Sorry for the (benign) neglect
Hello everyone (er, or just mom and maybe sis, and most likely, just myself..haha)!
Nice to be back. Sorry to be away for so long. I've been a little preoccupied of late as I've contemplated a few major and notso major things, such as (it's useful here to remind myself - 'cause I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning):
1) A career shift - as in MAJOR - as in - what the heck was I thinking when I signed on for years of academia and books and pretention? (sorry, ok, I promise this is going to be rated PG and nice here on out).
2) What is the ultimate goal/end of human (my/our/your) existence? I am haunted by the words of a former boss and mentor who I met in my first job out of college. He was the partner of a law firm and after years of slaving away and getting to the top - he told me he was quitting and that he had 'spent his whole life climbing up a ladder, only to realize it was the wrong ladder.' I remember he had a rough year - but it had shaken him out of the status quo and I'd like to imagine he found his true life's calling...in what, I never did find out, but we did stay in touch for a number of years after I left the firm and I always admired him deeply - he struck me as a kind, sincere and deep soul - a bit out of place in that stuffy firm.
3) What is the balance between patience and long-suffering - and well, selling out?
I am thinking of Joseph and many of the 'greats' in the Bible who endured years in prison, and other various circumstances and did not complain one peep. They knew God had a purpose and plan for their lives even though circumstances did not seem to look too promising. They simply waited it out - stuck it through - sucked it up. On the other hand, maybe abiding with some circumstance is the WRONG thing to do - if it's simply - wrong. I am currently back in a job that I feel is killing me inside (er, PG - figuratively speaking) - I have been looking for other jobs, but no doors are opening as of yet. A friend advised that I "take a leap of faith" and quit - and that if I did so - doors would open up. That would all be fine and good, except that i have a humongous rent bill that needs to get paid until the end of August. So I'm looking to August to make the big leap. But what if part of the reason I want to leave is because I feel that what I am doing is ultimately serving a 'bad' than a 'good'? (i.e., Nazi regime under Hitler comes to mind). Does one simply do as one's told in the job and stick it out until the opportunity arises to leave - or does one leave? I've been so tempted to walk out almost every day the past few weeks. It's so strange. But then again it could be Aunt Bessie (pms).
Ok, that's a mouthful already - maybe I'll leave it at that for now. I guess they weren't minor things after all. In fact, the stuff I've been mulling over the past few months are all - pretty major.
Yes, time for some changes. I just don't know how, or when or wherefore or...what. I'm sincerely praying God will open up the doors, lay low the mountains and have sweet mercy on me....
Nice to be back. Sorry to be away for so long. I've been a little preoccupied of late as I've contemplated a few major and notso major things, such as (it's useful here to remind myself - 'cause I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning):
1) A career shift - as in MAJOR - as in - what the heck was I thinking when I signed on for years of academia and books and pretention? (sorry, ok, I promise this is going to be rated PG and nice here on out).
2) What is the ultimate goal/end of human (my/our/your) existence? I am haunted by the words of a former boss and mentor who I met in my first job out of college. He was the partner of a law firm and after years of slaving away and getting to the top - he told me he was quitting and that he had 'spent his whole life climbing up a ladder, only to realize it was the wrong ladder.' I remember he had a rough year - but it had shaken him out of the status quo and I'd like to imagine he found his true life's calling...in what, I never did find out, but we did stay in touch for a number of years after I left the firm and I always admired him deeply - he struck me as a kind, sincere and deep soul - a bit out of place in that stuffy firm.
3) What is the balance between patience and long-suffering - and well, selling out?
I am thinking of Joseph and many of the 'greats' in the Bible who endured years in prison, and other various circumstances and did not complain one peep. They knew God had a purpose and plan for their lives even though circumstances did not seem to look too promising. They simply waited it out - stuck it through - sucked it up. On the other hand, maybe abiding with some circumstance is the WRONG thing to do - if it's simply - wrong. I am currently back in a job that I feel is killing me inside (er, PG - figuratively speaking) - I have been looking for other jobs, but no doors are opening as of yet. A friend advised that I "take a leap of faith" and quit - and that if I did so - doors would open up. That would all be fine and good, except that i have a humongous rent bill that needs to get paid until the end of August. So I'm looking to August to make the big leap. But what if part of the reason I want to leave is because I feel that what I am doing is ultimately serving a 'bad' than a 'good'? (i.e., Nazi regime under Hitler comes to mind). Does one simply do as one's told in the job and stick it out until the opportunity arises to leave - or does one leave? I've been so tempted to walk out almost every day the past few weeks. It's so strange. But then again it could be Aunt Bessie (pms).
Ok, that's a mouthful already - maybe I'll leave it at that for now. I guess they weren't minor things after all. In fact, the stuff I've been mulling over the past few months are all - pretty major.
Yes, time for some changes. I just don't know how, or when or wherefore or...what. I'm sincerely praying God will open up the doors, lay low the mountains and have sweet mercy on me....
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Fashion 911
A friend of mine just started a blog on women's fashion tips - do's and dont's - based mainly on the major dont's - she's seen on the streets. Yes, there were numerous times recently when I saw her face go slack in horror as we were walking down the street - she would point to something someone was wearing and ask, "why?" I always thought she was kinda joking - who knew that it was actually the beginning of a wonderful foray into a hilariously entertaining and informative blog? I highly recommend it. You can check it out, NYC fashion 101.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Why I like the Flu
So...I finally caught what everyone else seems to have caught the past few months - the flu. It sucks, no doubt. But one nice thing about being sick is that you have an excuse to lay on your back and watch movies...which is exactly what I have been doing the past few evenings. (Sorry big D - the new name I've given my fickle boyfriend, the dissertation).
Two titles that jumped out at me on the DVD rack - Shopgirl and Juno. Won't bore you with an analysis of my reading of the movies, but let's just say it's uncanny how two totally different characters in each of these movies made me feel more like me. Or rather, reminded me of me...and they both dealt with issues that I've struggled with...such as:: oohhh time for personal revelation to cyberspace stalkers:: a) healing from a past relationship that totally is reflected in Shopgirl - except that the characters are all a lot nicer and have more integrity in the movie than in real life. b) that endless search for the real deal - check! - which i still believe exists in the shape of a soul mate. c) the idea of being quirky.spunky.different.real which is why I liked Juno - her character - so much. She just *is* and it's so refreshing to watch.
Btw, does it say something that Allison Janney the actress who plays Juno's stepmom in the movie is one of my alltime favorite actresses - mainly because she often plays who she really is (see West Wing for a good dose) - which at a gut level - I just darn LIKE and am - and aspire to be...smart, real, hardnosed - but soft deep down with a confidence and edge that throws you off guard and makes you smile at the same time...difficult to put into words.
Anyway, let's just say being sick and watching movies (like these) really ain't all that bad.
Two titles that jumped out at me on the DVD rack - Shopgirl and Juno. Won't bore you with an analysis of my reading of the movies, but let's just say it's uncanny how two totally different characters in each of these movies made me feel more like me. Or rather, reminded me of me...and they both dealt with issues that I've struggled with...such as:: oohhh time for personal revelation to cyberspace stalkers:: a) healing from a past relationship that totally is reflected in Shopgirl - except that the characters are all a lot nicer and have more integrity in the movie than in real life. b) that endless search for the real deal - check! - which i still believe exists in the shape of a soul mate. c) the idea of being quirky.spunky.different.real which is why I liked Juno - her character - so much. She just *is* and it's so refreshing to watch.
Btw, does it say something that Allison Janney the actress who plays Juno's stepmom in the movie is one of my alltime favorite actresses - mainly because she often plays who she really is (see West Wing for a good dose) - which at a gut level - I just darn LIKE and am - and aspire to be...smart, real, hardnosed - but soft deep down with a confidence and edge that throws you off guard and makes you smile at the same time...difficult to put into words.
Anyway, let's just say being sick and watching movies (like these) really ain't all that bad.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Autistic girl with a special gift
Just saw this story online and wanted to share - it's inspiring and uplifting...something she says in the audio clip really resonated with me - that each person has, deep within his/her soul a unique gift that is unlike any other (something along these lines) - and even if it may not be obvious to everyone else - it's there....Her words carry unusual insight and weight. And what she shares is true, so very true.
L.A. Confidential: If Beckham Did It Why Can't I?
Recently, strangely, God has put it on my heart to consider moving to L.A. for at least a few months to spend time with my family (I am due to be an auntie again in May!) - and spend focused time on the dissertation...
My mom called me several months ago for a heart to heart and expressed, through tears, her wish for me to come and spend time with her and dad, my sister, my nephew and bro-in-law...I felt sad, but knew at the time that I couldn't do it then. Now, however, it's become a real possibility - especially as I consider my desire to spend more time with my nephew and my family, generally...
I watched a short film last night at the International Arts Movement space (IAM.org) called "The Wormhole" which moved me tremendously. Produced by a woman who goes to my church, Sidney. I watched it and during one particularly poignant scene, my sister came to mind very strongly - how much I miss her and love her...
Anyway, I would NEVER have considered moving from New York City before - and had bemoaned my parents' move to L.A. (I mean, c'mon - how many Koreans do you know from California?!) but I guess it's a testimony that God can change hearts and attitudes towards things you would never imagine...
We'll see what actually happens - still processing the idea, but let's just say, it's a bit uncanny how often L.A. and it's awesomeness (um, is that a word?) has come up recently...i.e., reasons to move to L.A. Here are the top 5-10:
1) To spend time with my family who I miss very much.
2) LUKAS - I love the little man! i.e., my nephew.
3) I spoke at length with my sister during Xmas about our shared dream to record music together...and being closer together would make that more likely!
4) New nephew on the way. Yay!
5) Ok, these are probably not as meaningful, but my fears of there being a lack of culture were slightly allayed by news of Dudamel's taking over the conductorship of the L.A. Symphony Orchestra! (see post below).
6) Just saw a segment about a soccer camp started by David Beckham now playing for the L.A. team (cool!)
7) The weather.
8) Beaches.
9) Might be able to do things without distraction - finish up the big D, write music, explore the arts scene, without all the intimidation of the NYC scene.
10) They do have sushi...
Um. Well, there may be better reasons to list - but those seem to work for now.
To be continued...
My mom called me several months ago for a heart to heart and expressed, through tears, her wish for me to come and spend time with her and dad, my sister, my nephew and bro-in-law...I felt sad, but knew at the time that I couldn't do it then. Now, however, it's become a real possibility - especially as I consider my desire to spend more time with my nephew and my family, generally...
I watched a short film last night at the International Arts Movement space (IAM.org) called "The Wormhole" which moved me tremendously. Produced by a woman who goes to my church, Sidney. I watched it and during one particularly poignant scene, my sister came to mind very strongly - how much I miss her and love her...
Anyway, I would NEVER have considered moving from New York City before - and had bemoaned my parents' move to L.A. (I mean, c'mon - how many Koreans do you know from California?!) but I guess it's a testimony that God can change hearts and attitudes towards things you would never imagine...
We'll see what actually happens - still processing the idea, but let's just say, it's a bit uncanny how often L.A. and it's awesomeness (um, is that a word?) has come up recently...i.e., reasons to move to L.A. Here are the top 5-10:
1) To spend time with my family who I miss very much.
2) LUKAS - I love the little man! i.e., my nephew.
3) I spoke at length with my sister during Xmas about our shared dream to record music together...and being closer together would make that more likely!
4) New nephew on the way. Yay!
5) Ok, these are probably not as meaningful, but my fears of there being a lack of culture were slightly allayed by news of Dudamel's taking over the conductorship of the L.A. Symphony Orchestra! (see post below).
6) Just saw a segment about a soccer camp started by David Beckham now playing for the L.A. team (cool!)
7) The weather.
8) Beaches.
9) Might be able to do things without distraction - finish up the big D, write music, explore the arts scene, without all the intimidation of the NYC scene.
10) They do have sushi...
Um. Well, there may be better reasons to list - but those seem to work for now.
To be continued...
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