Hello everyone (er, or just mom and maybe sis, and most likely, just myself..haha)!
Nice to be back. Sorry to be away for so long. I've been a little preoccupied of late as I've contemplated a few major and notso major things, such as (it's useful here to remind myself - 'cause I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning):
1) A career shift - as in MAJOR - as in - what the heck was I thinking when I signed on for years of academia and books and pretention? (sorry, ok, I promise this is going to be rated PG and nice here on out).
2) What is the ultimate goal/end of human (my/our/your) existence? I am haunted by the words of a former boss and mentor who I met in my first job out of college. He was the partner of a law firm and after years of slaving away and getting to the top - he told me he was quitting and that he had 'spent his whole life climbing up a ladder, only to realize it was the wrong ladder.' I remember he had a rough year - but it had shaken him out of the status quo and I'd like to imagine he found his true life's calling...in what, I never did find out, but we did stay in touch for a number of years after I left the firm and I always admired him deeply - he struck me as a kind, sincere and deep soul - a bit out of place in that stuffy firm.
3) What is the balance between patience and long-suffering - and well, selling out?
I am thinking of Joseph and many of the 'greats' in the Bible who endured years in prison, and other various circumstances and did not complain one peep. They knew God had a purpose and plan for their lives even though circumstances did not seem to look too promising. They simply waited it out - stuck it through - sucked it up. On the other hand, maybe abiding with some circumstance is the WRONG thing to do - if it's simply - wrong. I am currently back in a job that I feel is killing me inside (er, PG - figuratively speaking) - I have been looking for other jobs, but no doors are opening as of yet. A friend advised that I "take a leap of faith" and quit - and that if I did so - doors would open up. That would all be fine and good, except that i have a humongous rent bill that needs to get paid until the end of August. So I'm looking to August to make the big leap. But what if part of the reason I want to leave is because I feel that what I am doing is ultimately serving a 'bad' than a 'good'? (i.e., Nazi regime under Hitler comes to mind). Does one simply do as one's told in the job and stick it out until the opportunity arises to leave - or does one leave? I've been so tempted to walk out almost every day the past few weeks. It's so strange. But then again it could be Aunt Bessie (pms).
Ok, that's a mouthful already - maybe I'll leave it at that for now. I guess they weren't minor things after all. In fact, the stuff I've been mulling over the past few months are all - pretty major.
Yes, time for some changes. I just don't know how, or when or wherefore or...what. I'm sincerely praying God will open up the doors, lay low the mountains and have sweet mercy on me....
