full day, full year, full life...
was inspired to come back to blogging after a 'little' break (of over a year, ha).
i would say that the post from last april is just as appropriate now as it was back then, except perhaps that i've learned a few things along the way, have taken a few missteps (or God-steps). and now have a better understanding of how gracious God really is. how much He really loves me, despite my tendency to wander and go off on tangents.
it's late, but i felt the urge to get the blog-ball rolling again. talked to a friend recently about faith/church/relationships/art - basically, all my favorite topics - and she said pointedly, 'you should blog!'
something in the way she said it stuck. and i felt that little nudge to revisit what i had written and write down my reflections once again. i have a personal journal that i've kept for years, where i record prayers, thoughts, verses, and vagaries, but it had been a while since i had read this blog. and it was great to read about the path that led me to l.a. i do wonder at times what led me leave nyc. it's a seemingly weird decision given all that nyc was to me.
a friend who dropped in town last week commented that i seemed far happier now than she had ever remembered seeing me before. that comment surprised me. but she's right. perhaps it has less to do with l.a. and more to do with what being here has done for me personally and spiritually. i feel closer to God. or rather, my devotion - my love, my sense of what is important - is clearer now than before, and hence, my capacity to truly 'enjoy' life and to be thankful has expanded.
that's the only way i can explain it.
something my pastor shared in his sermon today hit the mark: "the joy one finds in Jesus is far better than anything else this life can offer." i have tried to find joy without Jesus and it's always a dead end. always. i'm learning better to listen to my conscience...to pray, to read the Bible consistently and listen to God. it's not been a smooth journey - i find that the same tendency the Israelites had to compromise and idolize things in their surrounding culture, to wander and to disobey are those very things that have moved me to stray, but God has always been there, beckoning me back, showing me that His love for me is stronger than anything I do... it's been very humbling to come to terms with my limitations, my sin and my tendency to wander.
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love..." Come Thou Fount, Robert Robinson
but the more I see my sin, the more I recognize His grace and love that is far greater and deeper than I could have imagined.
God I commit my path to you. You are all I want and all I really need. Knowing you is the best gift I could have ever received; everything else is just bonus.
"Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts above."
Let me sleep in peace tonight, knowing that you are watching over me. I pray that my love and devotion to you would never fade, but instead grow, day by day. I pray that no matter what the circumstance, no matter what happens, my heart would cling to you and cleave to you. I pray that I would abide in you and that your Holy Spirit would dwell within me, that I would be moved to want and do the things you desire for me to do...thank you for your love and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I commit my heart, my soul, my life to you. Help me to be obedient - not only in word, but in thought and in deed.
Thank you, Jesus.
Love,
S.
