New York to L.A.

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(Map of my cross country road trip September 30 - October 7th)

I'm currently on the road - following what I believe is God's leading and a long period of waiting...from New York City to my new home - in Los Angeles.

The past week has been a blur - I spent much of it packing, cleaning, moving out and selling and giving away my furniture. It was a whirlwind - as long as I had waited for this time to come - when it did, I barely had time to take it all in and realize what was happening.

So...! Here I am in Colorado - taking a short breather after days and hours of endless driving from New York City. I can't believe how much land has been traversed - especially as I look at the map and see just how far away from New York City I am at this moment. I knew, once I made the decision to go to my parents' place in L.A. that I needed to drive home. There was just no other way. I have taken numerous plane trips the past year - but I knew that I needed to get in a car. Not exactly sure why...perhaps it was motivated in part by my need to process, take-in and appreciate my last moments of alone-time before time with my family and...the dissertation. But also I think I felt a need to to come to a place where I am driving both literally and figuratively - in the driver's seat. Over the years I have had a recurring dream in which I am in the backseat of a car being driven by my parents or even my sister. I would wake up and realize that this is how I have felt in the way I have conducted my life thus far - a passenger in someone else's car. In the dream, as in real life, I wasn't making decisions or 'driving' out of my heart or mind or body - but I was passively being taken where my parents or family might lead. The dream disturbed and troubled me - in thinking it over and reflecting on the decisions I've made in the past, I've come to appreciate and realize that I need to start taking ownership of my decisions and life in general - with God's leading of course - but well, this is all still new to me and I'm processing it still as I go along. Let's just say, it felt like a sneeze that needed to be sneezed.

Regarding the road trip - as romantic as the idea seemed and does seem now - I realize that driving and traveling is hard work. I have a new appreciation for truckers and people who drive long distances for a living. It's not easy - in fact, it's truly exhausting and brain-numbing. My high-falutin' romantic notions of driving cross-country have been brought down a notch or two, but I still know this is the right way to get West. It's not nearly as nitty and gritty as the pioneers experienced it, but pretty gritty in it's own 21st century way. Honestly, it feels like a battle of sorts - a battle with my own stamina, my mind and the elements around me. I can't help but think it's a battle that I must fight - and who knows? Perhaps it's building in me an appreciation of the strength, perseverance, determination and mettle that will be required of me once I arrive at my intended destination...we shall see.