Am working through painful issues in relation to someone I know, who I have wanted to believe was a follower of Christ, but am finding to be harder to believe over time. I continue to pray for the salvation of my loved ones who do not know Christ. And I continue to hope and pray that God will not let me fall away. Here is the verse that came to me today, via biblegateway's verse of the day. It was a combination of truth - shedding light on something I didn't understand - wisdom, chastisement and encouragement. Chastisement, especially regarding the unwholesome talk. (sigh) The first paragraph jumped out at me as a description of the nature of the problem this person may be experiencing. As simple as it sounds, it's taken me a long time to accept that only God can change a person (including me) on the inside; no one else can. I'm still learning.
Ephesians 4:17-32
Living as Children of Light
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.
You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Quotable quotes
"Joy is the best makeup. Joy, and good lighting."
Grace (Eventually), by Anne Lamott
"When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He starts with an impossibility."
Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
Traveling Mercies , by Anne Lamott
Forget the cheese
I recently finished reading Anne Lamott's book, "Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith." My favorite passage came in the opening pages of the book which I wanted to share with you here. It's good food for thought, and contains kernels of ideas that have been rolling around in my head quite a bit these days:
"There is not much truth being told in the world. There never was.
This has proven to be a major disappointment to some of us. When I was a child, I thought grown-ups and teachers knew the truth, because they told me they did. It took years for me to discover that the first step in finding out the truth is to begin unlearning almost everything adults had taught me, and to start doing all the things they'd told me not to do. Their main pitch was that achievement equaled happiness, when all you had to do was study rock stars, or movie stars, or them, to see that they were mostly miserable. They were all running around in mazes like everyone else.
On the other hand, sometimes you encountered people who'd stopped playing everyone else's game, who seemed to be semi-happy, and with it, who said, in so many words, I saw the cheese, I lived on it for years, and it wasn't worth it. It was plain old Safeway Swiss."
***
Here's to holding onto what's true; and remembering that achievement does not equal happiness.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Eating porridge, playing chess.
Are apparently the keys to a long life.
This very random article indicates a guy placed a $50,000 bet and won, after turning 100.
This very random article indicates a guy placed a $50,000 bet and won, after turning 100.
Hope for the Hokies
An interesting site for those who want to learn, pay respects, hear some good, hope-filled music for troubled times.
It's called: Hope for the Hokies.
It's called: Hope for the Hokies.
Monday, April 23, 2007
The Passing of Icons
What's up with all these human icons passing away recently? Or maybe it's been happening all the time and I am just noticing it now. Very possible.
Kurt Vonnegut...
and now Boris Yeltsin.
(Incidentally, it's very unlikely you'll see those two names strung together like this again. I love being unpredictable that way.)
Speaking of unexpected passings, strangely, I am not as emotionally affected by the Virginia Tech incident in a way that some of my friends seem to be. A Korean-American friend of mine expressed how personally she felt the tragedy because she identified so much with the upbringing and background of the killer and his family...as for me, I think my relative dispassion may have something to do with the fact that while a second-generation Korean-American, I do not feel like the killings had ANYTHING to do with the fact that he was Korean. People from all cultures do crazy, angry, vindictive things. Unfortunately, a lot has to do with the fallenness of human beings. We can blame the killer, the people who failed to love him, those he failed to love, the hate in his heart, the desire to get revenge...but I don't blame Koreans or Korea - and maybe it could have been prevented, but (in a modest attempt to bring me back to my original point), death does reach us all.
There is always an element of sadness or loss to the experience which is undeniable, whether you knew the person personally or only from a distance...I guess it's just very sobering to be reminded of one's mortality, how short life is and how deeply affected by and "agents of affect" we are to those around us. I thought alot about my own mortality when I was in Uganda. Death was so commonplace there. In way, it made things more real, more...visceral. Here death is treated so sterilly (not a word, I know), that it's easy to take life for granted. It's easy to become numb to living.
Maybe that's why I like reading about those who lived well. Maybe that's why such stories seem to capture the headlines.
We see better in hindsight, the life well lived.
Kurt Vonnegut...
and now Boris Yeltsin.
(Incidentally, it's very unlikely you'll see those two names strung together like this again. I love being unpredictable that way.)
Speaking of unexpected passings, strangely, I am not as emotionally affected by the Virginia Tech incident in a way that some of my friends seem to be. A Korean-American friend of mine expressed how personally she felt the tragedy because she identified so much with the upbringing and background of the killer and his family...as for me, I think my relative dispassion may have something to do with the fact that while a second-generation Korean-American, I do not feel like the killings had ANYTHING to do with the fact that he was Korean. People from all cultures do crazy, angry, vindictive things. Unfortunately, a lot has to do with the fallenness of human beings. We can blame the killer, the people who failed to love him, those he failed to love, the hate in his heart, the desire to get revenge...but I don't blame Koreans or Korea - and maybe it could have been prevented, but (in a modest attempt to bring me back to my original point), death does reach us all.
There is always an element of sadness or loss to the experience which is undeniable, whether you knew the person personally or only from a distance...I guess it's just very sobering to be reminded of one's mortality, how short life is and how deeply affected by and "agents of affect" we are to those around us. I thought alot about my own mortality when I was in Uganda. Death was so commonplace there. In way, it made things more real, more...visceral. Here death is treated so sterilly (not a word, I know), that it's easy to take life for granted. It's easy to become numb to living.
Maybe that's why I like reading about those who lived well. Maybe that's why such stories seem to capture the headlines.
We see better in hindsight, the life well lived.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
My sister, the most amazing person I've ever met.
Seriously.
I wish I wasn't related so that people wouldn't think I was biased, but oh well. You'll just have to take my word for it. She really is an amazing person.
When she isn't teaching kids with special needs, she's raising my little nephew, working on the side doing flower and bouquet arrangements for weddings, baking these amazing cakes and pastries, taking care of her husband, helping out with the youth group, involved in church and now...writing her own songs!
When she and I were young - in elementary school through high school - we used to sing duets together. I remember in middle school she almost disappeared for several months, locking herself up in her room to learn how to play the guitar. She emerged playing all kinds of hymns, folk songs and other stuff just from the few chords she had learned...later, when she went to college, she became the worship leader of the church band and sang every Sunday. She has this natural gift for anything artistic...
When we were in high school, I would go to her room and we would record all kinds of pop songs on our little tape recorder. One of our favorites, aside from the Christian songs we liked to sing, was by the Indigo Girls - we loved singing and harmonizing, "The Power of Two."
I write this and was inspired to write about her emerging talent as a singer-songwriter, when she emailed me yesterday with a recording of a song she wrote called, "How Beautiful It Is." She had just sent it off to a song-writing contest, which will remain unnamed (until she wins it! I hope) and it really made me so PROUD. Everytime you THINK you know someone close to you - watch out - you have no idea just how deep their talents, ideas, beauty lie...She's really understated about her talents, but they have grown an emerged in unexpected ways over the years and I can't help but feel amazed whenever I see how much talent and beauty she possesses, inside and out.
I feel lucky to be her sister, and even luckier to be her friend.
Once I get her permission, I will link the song to this site.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The way to true life
"Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes."
"...if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile — the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 10: 4, 9-13
***
It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, what you did in the past. There is hope for everyone if you believe in Jesus, that He came to save us through his death and resurrection. If you believe this with your heart and confess it with your lips, you experience a peace, joy and hope that is literally out of this world... all one needs to do is "call on the name of the Lord."
Amazing. It's that simple.
"...if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile — the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Romans 10: 4, 9-13
***
It doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, what you did in the past. There is hope for everyone if you believe in Jesus, that He came to save us through his death and resurrection. If you believe this with your heart and confess it with your lips, you experience a peace, joy and hope that is literally out of this world... all one needs to do is "call on the name of the Lord."
Amazing. It's that simple.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Hope...is what we need.
Random killings.
Wars.
Floods.
Disasters.
I can't help but think about the sayings of Jesus and the book of Revelations. The references to the end-times were always a bit of a mystery to me. Yet Jesus spoke often of the times when we would see more and more signs of His return.
When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. But in those days, following that distress, 'the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'...No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. - Mark 13
I spoke with my cousin a few days ago about a sermon she heard her pastor give about Jesus's return...he urged people to keep in mind that "no one knows the hour"...but that someday Jesus would return to judge the world. It could today, tomorrow, a week, or hundreds of years from now...but it will happen when we see signs of trouble in the world. Disasters, floods, people dying, wars, and an increase in these things around the world. My cousin shared that she felt convicted after hearing her pastor's words that life was short and that she needed to make the most of the gifts she had been given to pursue her music career and honor God with the time she had on earth...it made me think about how my decisions and choices in life might be informed by the knowledge that Jesus would return again someday...and that God will judge all that we did, the choices we made, how we lived our lives.
And what does one do in a situation when everything seems to be falling apart in the world?
God has known from the beginning of time all that would happen and all that is to come. He said that someday there would be a 'new heaven and a new earth,' but not before we saw some pretty bad things happen first.
Sound simple? Maybe it is. But he also said the wisdom of God would shame human knowledge and wisdom. His message was so simple that even children could understand it. And yet it is sometimes hard to understand.
I pray that we would come to focus our eyes on Him and that more people would see why we need His hope in a time of uncertainty, why we need a Savior.
"The battle is not between flesh, but in the spiritual realms."
Wars.
Floods.
Disasters.
I can't help but think about the sayings of Jesus and the book of Revelations. The references to the end-times were always a bit of a mystery to me. Yet Jesus spoke often of the times when we would see more and more signs of His return.
When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. But in those days, following that distress, 'the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'...No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. - Mark 13
I spoke with my cousin a few days ago about a sermon she heard her pastor give about Jesus's return...he urged people to keep in mind that "no one knows the hour"...but that someday Jesus would return to judge the world. It could today, tomorrow, a week, or hundreds of years from now...but it will happen when we see signs of trouble in the world. Disasters, floods, people dying, wars, and an increase in these things around the world. My cousin shared that she felt convicted after hearing her pastor's words that life was short and that she needed to make the most of the gifts she had been given to pursue her music career and honor God with the time she had on earth...it made me think about how my decisions and choices in life might be informed by the knowledge that Jesus would return again someday...and that God will judge all that we did, the choices we made, how we lived our lives.
And what does one do in a situation when everything seems to be falling apart in the world?
God has known from the beginning of time all that would happen and all that is to come. He said that someday there would be a 'new heaven and a new earth,' but not before we saw some pretty bad things happen first.
Sound simple? Maybe it is. But he also said the wisdom of God would shame human knowledge and wisdom. His message was so simple that even children could understand it. And yet it is sometimes hard to understand.
I pray that we would come to focus our eyes on Him and that more people would see why we need His hope in a time of uncertainty, why we need a Savior.
"The battle is not between flesh, but in the spiritual realms."
Friday, April 13, 2007
A Man Without a Country
Tribute to Vonnegut.
"What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured."
"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"
"Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore."
-Kurt Vonnegut
"What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured."
"Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?"
"Why are so many people getting divorced today? It's because most of us don't have extended families anymore."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Thursday, April 12, 2007
A funny thing happened on the way...
to Chicago, aka, Chi-town. Or, notoriously, Chi-tonw (famous for a tattoo given to a man with the wrong spelling who is now suing the artist).
I have to be honest. Chicago has not impressed me the few times I have been here in the past several months. It must be the spoiled, cosmopolitan new-yorker in me, but everything moves slower, the wind is colder, the air is darker, the buildings are not as impressive...I dunno. One and a half days it's been, and I want to go back to the Big Apple already. (Of course, it's only been a little over a day! and there are a few friends I will be seeing - could make all the difference.)
But the numerous things that went wrong on the way didn't help either. Bad weather in Chicago caused numerous flight cancellations and delays. I got to the airport extra early, paid a hefty $50 to get to JFK by cab, only to find that my 8pm flight was now pushed to 11pm. I arrived into O'Hare around 1am and decided to take public transportation to my hotel across town at Midway airport (to save money, of course). Background note: I had, several weeks prior, bought a two-night's stay on Priceline, thinking I might find a good deal, but somehow accidentally clicked on "Midway" airport area as an option and got stuck staying at a hotel totally out of the way and non-refundable/non-transferrable to boot. I take the train from O'Hare to the center of town and find the lines to Midway all closed. I am forced to shell out another $30 for a cab to the airport from downtown. I arrive at the Marriot and they tell me that it's totally booked - I am transferred to another hotel (a bit lower in quality) and collapse after 3am, totally exhausted...
Today was another long day, not too bad, but not too good either. I don't know what it is about the travels, but this has not been smooth sailing by any means. So many little things have gone wrong, that it all seems too much to be mere coincidence. Maybe God is telling me I belong back in New York, or that I need to unlearn my New York sensibilities...
I made a conscious decision to make this trip to Chicago - while ostensibly for work - a spiritual retreat as well. Brought my bible, brought my journal (which I tend to write in highly inconsistently) and decided to be intentional about prayer, meditation and reflection and time with the Lord. I think it started out great on the way from New York to Chicago. Wrote in my journal at the airport, prayed, felt God speaking to me and reminding me of things He had shared long ago. Even before falling asleep last night, I managed to read some verses in Proverbs (sobering) and pray for a while, before drifting off to sleep. It felt intense, it felt like something I needed to do...not sure why.
Anyway, I woke up (not quite refreshed) this morning and went downtown to the conference site, where I had to last minute chair and act as a discussant for a panel. This was or seemed like side stuff - the conference/panel/networking deal is all surreal. I feel like a part of me is there, but a lot of me wonders (as I do whenever I am surrounded in large meetings with a lot vibes exuding self-importance and vanity, where I hardly know the people on a personal level) whether all of this is really pleasing to God...(or is this thought an excuse for looking heavenward so I can avoid concrete realities of everyday life?) In any case, I have been thinking a lot about what God may be teaching me about myself, my relationships and the things happening in my life at this particular season or time. Cliche as it sounds, I want to turn over a new leaf. I feel like now is the time...to recommit my decisions, my life and focus on Him and His purposes. To let go of whatever is hindering me in my walk with Him and to make Christ first.
It's hard though - (and not to be the drama queen) but I feel a little bit like those poor Israelites in the desert, right after leaving Egypt...my Chicago...? my New York? Many years go by before they reach Canaan, the Promised Land. When will I arrive? Who and where are my fellow Israelites? Do I have the heart and mind and faith to receive "the good things He has prepared for those who love Him"?
I want to have the faith, the trust that God will lead - that I would be able to simply follow and obey.
Help me have the faith that can move mountains, God. Help me to believe in your power to do anything when we ask in Your name and call on the name of Jesus.
Help me not to be lukewarm or half-hearted, but fully committed to living out my life in devotion to you.
Help me to be a light and a servant; to make myself less so that you can become more.
I want you to be the center of my life, Lord.
The center.
Maybe that's what I've learned the last few days...How strange and paradoxical it is - but maybe setbacks have a way of moving you forward.
I have to be honest. Chicago has not impressed me the few times I have been here in the past several months. It must be the spoiled, cosmopolitan new-yorker in me, but everything moves slower, the wind is colder, the air is darker, the buildings are not as impressive...I dunno. One and a half days it's been, and I want to go back to the Big Apple already. (Of course, it's only been a little over a day! and there are a few friends I will be seeing - could make all the difference.)
But the numerous things that went wrong on the way didn't help either. Bad weather in Chicago caused numerous flight cancellations and delays. I got to the airport extra early, paid a hefty $50 to get to JFK by cab, only to find that my 8pm flight was now pushed to 11pm. I arrived into O'Hare around 1am and decided to take public transportation to my hotel across town at Midway airport (to save money, of course). Background note: I had, several weeks prior, bought a two-night's stay on Priceline, thinking I might find a good deal, but somehow accidentally clicked on "Midway" airport area as an option and got stuck staying at a hotel totally out of the way and non-refundable/non-transferrable to boot. I take the train from O'Hare to the center of town and find the lines to Midway all closed. I am forced to shell out another $30 for a cab to the airport from downtown. I arrive at the Marriot and they tell me that it's totally booked - I am transferred to another hotel (a bit lower in quality) and collapse after 3am, totally exhausted...
Today was another long day, not too bad, but not too good either. I don't know what it is about the travels, but this has not been smooth sailing by any means. So many little things have gone wrong, that it all seems too much to be mere coincidence. Maybe God is telling me I belong back in New York, or that I need to unlearn my New York sensibilities...
I made a conscious decision to make this trip to Chicago - while ostensibly for work - a spiritual retreat as well. Brought my bible, brought my journal (which I tend to write in highly inconsistently) and decided to be intentional about prayer, meditation and reflection and time with the Lord. I think it started out great on the way from New York to Chicago. Wrote in my journal at the airport, prayed, felt God speaking to me and reminding me of things He had shared long ago. Even before falling asleep last night, I managed to read some verses in Proverbs (sobering) and pray for a while, before drifting off to sleep. It felt intense, it felt like something I needed to do...not sure why.
Anyway, I woke up (not quite refreshed) this morning and went downtown to the conference site, where I had to last minute chair and act as a discussant for a panel. This was or seemed like side stuff - the conference/panel/networking deal is all surreal. I feel like a part of me is there, but a lot of me wonders (as I do whenever I am surrounded in large meetings with a lot vibes exuding self-importance and vanity, where I hardly know the people on a personal level) whether all of this is really pleasing to God...(or is this thought an excuse for looking heavenward so I can avoid concrete realities of everyday life?) In any case, I have been thinking a lot about what God may be teaching me about myself, my relationships and the things happening in my life at this particular season or time. Cliche as it sounds, I want to turn over a new leaf. I feel like now is the time...to recommit my decisions, my life and focus on Him and His purposes. To let go of whatever is hindering me in my walk with Him and to make Christ first.
It's hard though - (and not to be the drama queen) but I feel a little bit like those poor Israelites in the desert, right after leaving Egypt...my Chicago...? my New York? Many years go by before they reach Canaan, the Promised Land. When will I arrive? Who and where are my fellow Israelites? Do I have the heart and mind and faith to receive "the good things He has prepared for those who love Him"?
I want to have the faith, the trust that God will lead - that I would be able to simply follow and obey.
Help me have the faith that can move mountains, God. Help me to believe in your power to do anything when we ask in Your name and call on the name of Jesus.
Help me not to be lukewarm or half-hearted, but fully committed to living out my life in devotion to you.
Help me to be a light and a servant; to make myself less so that you can become more.
I want you to be the center of my life, Lord.
The center.
Maybe that's what I've learned the last few days...How strange and paradoxical it is - but maybe setbacks have a way of moving you forward.
A legend has passed away
Death never fails to surprise me.
Kurt Vonnegut has passed away...curmudgeonly, but wise, smart but not overly cynical, a wonderful storyteller...a truth teller, really.
Kurt Vonnegut has passed away...curmudgeonly, but wise, smart but not overly cynical, a wonderful storyteller...a truth teller, really.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Today's verse on Biblegateway
“For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
- 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
- 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Power corrupts, or so they say, but who knew it also made you stupid?
Fascinating and sobering Op-ed in today's NYtimes. Read it and weep not - the message seems to be, "be careful." I'm not sure if it's the only conclusion one may draw from this, but I guess it's more evidence that money, power and prestige have a way of corrupting, and now there's evidence (and some funny stories) to suggest why and how.
***
New York Times
April 4, 2007
Op-Ed Contributor
The Rich Are More Oblivious Than You and Me
By RICHARD CONNIFF
Old Lyme, Conn.
THE other day at a Los Angeles race track, a comedian named Eddie Griffin took a meeting with a concrete barrier and left a borrowed bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo looking like bad origami. Just to be clear, this was a different bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo from the one a Swedish businessman crumpled up and threw away last year on the Pacific Coast Highway. I mention this only because it’s easy to get confused by the vast and highly repetitious category “Rich and Famous People Acting Like Total Idiots.” Mr. Griffin walked away uninjured, and everybody offered wise counsel about how this wasn’t really such a bad day after all.
So what exactly constitutes a bad day in this rarefied little world? Did the casino owner Steve Wynn cross the mark when he put his elbow through a Picasso he was about to sell for $139 million? Did Mel (“I Own Malibu”) Gibson sense bad-day emanations when he started on a bigoted tirade while seated drunk in the back of a sheriff’s car? And if dumb stuff like this comes so easy to these people, how is it that they’re the ones with all the money?
Modern science has the answer, with a little help from the poet Hilaire Belloc.
Let’s begin with what I call the “Cookie Monster Experiment,” devised to test the hypothesis that power makes people stupid and insensitive — or, as the scientists at the University of California at Berkeley put it, “disinhibited.”
Researchers led by the psychologist Dacher Keltner took groups of three ordinary volunteers and randomly put one of them in charge. Each trio had a half-hour to work through a boring social survey. Then a researcher came in and left a plateful of precisely five cookies. Care to guess which volunteer typically grabbed an extra cookie? The volunteer who had randomly been assigned the power role was also more likely to eat it with his mouth open, spew crumbs on partners and get cookie detritus on his face and on the table.
It reminded the researchers of powerful people they had known in real life. One of them, for instance, had attended meetings with a magazine mogul who ate raw onions and slugged vodka from the bottle, but failed to share these amuse-bouches with his guests. Another had been through an oral exam for his doctorate at which one faculty member not only picked his ear wax, but held it up to dandle lovingly in the light.
As stupid behaviors go, none of this is in a class with slamming somebody else’s Ferrari into a concrete wall. But science advances by tiny steps.
The researchers went on to theorize that getting power causes people to focus so keenly on the potential rewards, like money, sex, public acclaim or an extra chocolate-chip cookie — not necessarily in that order, or frankly, any order at all, but preferably all at once — that they become oblivious to the people around them.
Indeed, the people around them may abet this process, since they are often subordinates intent on keeping the boss happy. So for the boss, it starts to look like a world in which the traffic lights are always green (and damn the pedestrians). Professor Keltner and his fellow researchers describe it as an instance of “approach/inhibition theory” in action: As power increases, it fires up the behavioral approach system and shuts down behavioral inhibition.
And thus the Fast Forward Personality is born and put on the path to the concrete barrier.
The corollary is that as the rich and powerful increasingly focus on potential rewards, powerless types notice the likely costs and become more inhibited. I happen to know the feeling because I once had my own Los Angeles Ferrari experience. It was a bright-red F355 Spider (and with a mere $150,000 sticker price, not exactly top shelf), which I rented for a television documentary about rich people. It came with a $10,000 deductible, and the first time I drove it into a Bel-Air estate, the low-slung front end hit the apron of the driveway with a horrible grating sound that caused my soul to shrink. I proceeded up the driveway at five miles an hour, and everyone in sight turned away thinking, “Rental.”
The bottom line: Without power, people tend to play it safe. Given power, even you and I would soon end up living large and acting like idiots. So pity the rich — and protect yourself. This is where Hilaire Belloc comes in.
He once wrote a poem about a Lord Finchley, who “tried to mend the Electric Light/Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!” Belloc wasn’t tiresomely suggesting that the gentry all deserve a first-hand acquaintance with the third rail, as it were, but merely that they would be smart to depend on hired help. In social psychology terms, disinhibited Fast Forward types need ordinary cautious mortals to remind them that the traffic lights do in fact occasionally turn yellow or even, sometimes, red.
So, Eddie Griffin: next time you borrow a pal’s car, borrow his driver, too. The world will be a safer place for the rest of us.
Richard Conniff is the author of “The Natural History of the Rich.”
***
New York Times
April 4, 2007
Op-Ed Contributor
The Rich Are More Oblivious Than You and Me
By RICHARD CONNIFF
Old Lyme, Conn.
THE other day at a Los Angeles race track, a comedian named Eddie Griffin took a meeting with a concrete barrier and left a borrowed bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo looking like bad origami. Just to be clear, this was a different bright-red $1.5 million Ferrari Enzo from the one a Swedish businessman crumpled up and threw away last year on the Pacific Coast Highway. I mention this only because it’s easy to get confused by the vast and highly repetitious category “Rich and Famous People Acting Like Total Idiots.” Mr. Griffin walked away uninjured, and everybody offered wise counsel about how this wasn’t really such a bad day after all.
So what exactly constitutes a bad day in this rarefied little world? Did the casino owner Steve Wynn cross the mark when he put his elbow through a Picasso he was about to sell for $139 million? Did Mel (“I Own Malibu”) Gibson sense bad-day emanations when he started on a bigoted tirade while seated drunk in the back of a sheriff’s car? And if dumb stuff like this comes so easy to these people, how is it that they’re the ones with all the money?
Modern science has the answer, with a little help from the poet Hilaire Belloc.
Let’s begin with what I call the “Cookie Monster Experiment,” devised to test the hypothesis that power makes people stupid and insensitive — or, as the scientists at the University of California at Berkeley put it, “disinhibited.”
Researchers led by the psychologist Dacher Keltner took groups of three ordinary volunteers and randomly put one of them in charge. Each trio had a half-hour to work through a boring social survey. Then a researcher came in and left a plateful of precisely five cookies. Care to guess which volunteer typically grabbed an extra cookie? The volunteer who had randomly been assigned the power role was also more likely to eat it with his mouth open, spew crumbs on partners and get cookie detritus on his face and on the table.
It reminded the researchers of powerful people they had known in real life. One of them, for instance, had attended meetings with a magazine mogul who ate raw onions and slugged vodka from the bottle, but failed to share these amuse-bouches with his guests. Another had been through an oral exam for his doctorate at which one faculty member not only picked his ear wax, but held it up to dandle lovingly in the light.
As stupid behaviors go, none of this is in a class with slamming somebody else’s Ferrari into a concrete wall. But science advances by tiny steps.
The researchers went on to theorize that getting power causes people to focus so keenly on the potential rewards, like money, sex, public acclaim or an extra chocolate-chip cookie — not necessarily in that order, or frankly, any order at all, but preferably all at once — that they become oblivious to the people around them.
Indeed, the people around them may abet this process, since they are often subordinates intent on keeping the boss happy. So for the boss, it starts to look like a world in which the traffic lights are always green (and damn the pedestrians). Professor Keltner and his fellow researchers describe it as an instance of “approach/inhibition theory” in action: As power increases, it fires up the behavioral approach system and shuts down behavioral inhibition.
And thus the Fast Forward Personality is born and put on the path to the concrete barrier.
The corollary is that as the rich and powerful increasingly focus on potential rewards, powerless types notice the likely costs and become more inhibited. I happen to know the feeling because I once had my own Los Angeles Ferrari experience. It was a bright-red F355 Spider (and with a mere $150,000 sticker price, not exactly top shelf), which I rented for a television documentary about rich people. It came with a $10,000 deductible, and the first time I drove it into a Bel-Air estate, the low-slung front end hit the apron of the driveway with a horrible grating sound that caused my soul to shrink. I proceeded up the driveway at five miles an hour, and everyone in sight turned away thinking, “Rental.”
The bottom line: Without power, people tend to play it safe. Given power, even you and I would soon end up living large and acting like idiots. So pity the rich — and protect yourself. This is where Hilaire Belloc comes in.
He once wrote a poem about a Lord Finchley, who “tried to mend the Electric Light/Himself. It struck him dead: And serve him right!” Belloc wasn’t tiresomely suggesting that the gentry all deserve a first-hand acquaintance with the third rail, as it were, but merely that they would be smart to depend on hired help. In social psychology terms, disinhibited Fast Forward types need ordinary cautious mortals to remind them that the traffic lights do in fact occasionally turn yellow or even, sometimes, red.
So, Eddie Griffin: next time you borrow a pal’s car, borrow his driver, too. The world will be a safer place for the rest of us.
Richard Conniff is the author of “The Natural History of the Rich.”
The Good Friday Life
The title of an article on Christianity Today written by Mark Galli on a set of issues that I wrestle with - the role of religion in politics, the tension between sin and grace.
Here are a few thought-provoking excerpts from Galli's essay. I appreciate his honesty and humility - what we all need more of in this grace-starved world. The full article may be found by clicking here.
Many years ago, my wife and I were having a marital "moral discourse," and I was becoming increasingly agitated. In my fury, I yelled at her and aimed my fist at a section of the dining room wall. Unfortunately, the Holy Spirit failed to guide my hand between the studs, as he usually had done, and instead I hit a stud right on. I broke a knuckle.
A deathly silence settled in the room. While I came from a family in which nothing got done until someone yelled, Barb came from a family in which yelling brought things to a standstill. She was not going to speak to me for weeks. As I writhed in physical pain, I also writhed in emotional pain. I was a moral failure of a husband.
***
As I tried awkwardly, with one hand, to sweep up the bits of sheetrock strewn on the floor, I felt a hand on my arm. I turned around, and it was Barb. She said something apologetic. I said something apologetic. And then she embraced me for a long time.
She had every right to pronounce a grand moral imperative, condemn my behavior, and distance herself from me. That surely would have taught me a lesson. Instead, she embraced the angry sinner, and rather than teaching me a lesson, she helped heal me.
This Friday we Christians celebrate a similar event, albeit one of cosmic proportions. In his life, Jesus so identified with the immoral, spent so much time with them, that the good people of his day mistook him for a sinner. On Good Friday, Jesus continued the story. He did not distance himself from sin as much as embrace it in himself. And by this embrace, he made redemption possible.
***
For the Christian, moral discourse begins by focusing not on the sins of the other but on one's own failures. "O God, be merciful to me, a sinner." It is the publican's humble prayer that is accepted by God, and it is the Pharisee—who is confident of his morality and the other's immorality—who is condemned. Moral discourse begins, as Jesus said, by taking the log out of our own eye.
Rarely do we hear a politician publicly concede wrongdoing. A stunning exception to this was demonstrated to me last year in Vietnam. I was part of a delegation that was pressing the government to grant more religious freedom. One official in the ministry of foreign affairs startled me when he said, "On our part, we're not saying that we are error- or mistake- free. That is why we very much want to improve things."
Would that more Christian activists—even behind closed doors—framed their public denunciations by admitting their own political shortcomings first.
A Christian account of the world, though, goes even deeper. For the politician, immorality is "redeemed" by public condemnation and by distancing oneself from the immoral. The disciple of Jesus, however, embraces the immoral and opens the door of redemption by that very embrace.
Here are a few thought-provoking excerpts from Galli's essay. I appreciate his honesty and humility - what we all need more of in this grace-starved world. The full article may be found by clicking here.
Many years ago, my wife and I were having a marital "moral discourse," and I was becoming increasingly agitated. In my fury, I yelled at her and aimed my fist at a section of the dining room wall. Unfortunately, the Holy Spirit failed to guide my hand between the studs, as he usually had done, and instead I hit a stud right on. I broke a knuckle.
A deathly silence settled in the room. While I came from a family in which nothing got done until someone yelled, Barb came from a family in which yelling brought things to a standstill. She was not going to speak to me for weeks. As I writhed in physical pain, I also writhed in emotional pain. I was a moral failure of a husband.
***
As I tried awkwardly, with one hand, to sweep up the bits of sheetrock strewn on the floor, I felt a hand on my arm. I turned around, and it was Barb. She said something apologetic. I said something apologetic. And then she embraced me for a long time.
She had every right to pronounce a grand moral imperative, condemn my behavior, and distance herself from me. That surely would have taught me a lesson. Instead, she embraced the angry sinner, and rather than teaching me a lesson, she helped heal me.
This Friday we Christians celebrate a similar event, albeit one of cosmic proportions. In his life, Jesus so identified with the immoral, spent so much time with them, that the good people of his day mistook him for a sinner. On Good Friday, Jesus continued the story. He did not distance himself from sin as much as embrace it in himself. And by this embrace, he made redemption possible.
***
For the Christian, moral discourse begins by focusing not on the sins of the other but on one's own failures. "O God, be merciful to me, a sinner." It is the publican's humble prayer that is accepted by God, and it is the Pharisee—who is confident of his morality and the other's immorality—who is condemned. Moral discourse begins, as Jesus said, by taking the log out of our own eye.
Rarely do we hear a politician publicly concede wrongdoing. A stunning exception to this was demonstrated to me last year in Vietnam. I was part of a delegation that was pressing the government to grant more religious freedom. One official in the ministry of foreign affairs startled me when he said, "On our part, we're not saying that we are error- or mistake- free. That is why we very much want to improve things."
Would that more Christian activists—even behind closed doors—framed their public denunciations by admitting their own political shortcomings first.
A Christian account of the world, though, goes even deeper. For the politician, immorality is "redeemed" by public condemnation and by distancing oneself from the immoral. The disciple of Jesus, however, embraces the immoral and opens the door of redemption by that very embrace.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Please understand me...
The name of a classic book about Meyers-Briggs personality types which was developed by a noted psychologist, Carl Jung.
Here's a link to a free online test: humanmetrics
There are four dimensions to the test:
I - introvert E - extrovert
N - intuitive S - sensing
F - feeling T - thinking
P - perceiving J - judging
These are not necessarily set in stone, but at the moment, I'm an INFP.
Hallmark Characteristics: Virtuous, Devoted, Theoretical, Compassionate, and Private
Leadership Style: Skilled listeners with a natural ability to identify with others, INFPs project an outward quiet gentleness, which masks their great determination. Proficient at encouraging others they affirm individual contributions and relentlessly uphold regarded values and ideals while inspiring followers to achieve goal accomplishment.
And another.
"Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened."
and at another site:
"Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and investigative and attentive in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply - indeed, passionately - about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.
Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity."
Here's a link to a free online test: humanmetrics
There are four dimensions to the test:
I - introvert E - extrovert
N - intuitive S - sensing
F - feeling T - thinking
P - perceiving J - judging
These are not necessarily set in stone, but at the moment, I'm an INFP.
Hallmark Characteristics: Virtuous, Devoted, Theoretical, Compassionate, and Private
Leadership Style: Skilled listeners with a natural ability to identify with others, INFPs project an outward quiet gentleness, which masks their great determination. Proficient at encouraging others they affirm individual contributions and relentlessly uphold regarded values and ideals while inspiring followers to achieve goal accomplishment.
And another.
"Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened."
and at another site:
"Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and investigative and attentive in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply - indeed, passionately - about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.
Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity."
Monday, April 2, 2007
The mystery of faith
I have certain quotes, things I read here and there that have been sources of inspiration, encouragement, hope, chastisement, at critical junctures in my life. I want to note them here, to share them with others, and remember them for times when I start to forget that God does speak, that He listens, that He knows what we need to hear.
"When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He always starts with an impossibility."
-Ann Lammott - Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
"Those who cry as they plant crops will sing at harvest time.
Those who cry as they carry out the seeds will return singing and carrying bundles of grain."
-Psalms 126: 5-6
"I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.
I wait for the Lord to help me more than night watchmen wait for the dawn,
more than night watchmen wait for the dawn.
People of Israel, put your hope in the Lord because He is loving and able to save. He will save Israel from all their sins."
Psalms 128:5-8
and last but not least, PSALM 91.
I saw this on the license plate of a parked car as I was getting out of a taxi near my apartment one evening last year; and I ran to my room to see what words were there. Tears came as I realized that God was speaking to me in that moment, with the words I needed to hear. I went downstairs to see if the car was still there. It had disappeared.
Those who go to God the Most High for safety will be protected by the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."
God will save you from hidden traps and from deadly diseases. He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you can hide. His truth will be your shield and protection. You will not fear any danger by night or an arrow during the day. You will not be afraid...
The Lord is your protection; you have made God Most High your place of safety...
The Lord says, "Whoever loves me, I will save. I will protect those who know me. They will call to me, and I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble; I will rescue them and honor them. I will give them a long, full life, and they will see how I can save."
"When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He always starts with an impossibility."
-Ann Lammott - Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
"Those who cry as they plant crops will sing at harvest time.
Those who cry as they carry out the seeds will return singing and carrying bundles of grain."
-Psalms 126: 5-6
"I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.
I wait for the Lord to help me more than night watchmen wait for the dawn,
more than night watchmen wait for the dawn.
People of Israel, put your hope in the Lord because He is loving and able to save. He will save Israel from all their sins."
Psalms 128:5-8
and last but not least, PSALM 91.
I saw this on the license plate of a parked car as I was getting out of a taxi near my apartment one evening last year; and I ran to my room to see what words were there. Tears came as I realized that God was speaking to me in that moment, with the words I needed to hear. I went downstairs to see if the car was still there. It had disappeared.
Those who go to God the Most High for safety will be protected by the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. You are my God and I trust you."
God will save you from hidden traps and from deadly diseases. He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you can hide. His truth will be your shield and protection. You will not fear any danger by night or an arrow during the day. You will not be afraid...
The Lord is your protection; you have made God Most High your place of safety...
The Lord says, "Whoever loves me, I will save. I will protect those who know me. They will call to me, and I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble; I will rescue them and honor them. I will give them a long, full life, and they will see how I can save."
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